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Describing the incident as a 'fumble in a Fiat', the police officers encouraged people to remain in their houses for all but essential travel and exercise because of the coronavirus.
While a quickie in the back of a car might class as vigorous exercise, it's definitely not essential, and should broadly be confined to the comfort of the home.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
The officers found the couple getting busy in the back of the Fiat at Mercia Marina, near Willington in Derbyshire.
They said the pair were 'relaxing' and not engaging in 'essential exercise from a sedentary position'.
They've got such a way with words, haven't they?
Upon discovering the couple enjoying the scenery at the marina, the officers promptly issued them with a fine for breaching the rules of the national coronavirus lockdown.
A post on their Facebook page read: "Officers from Melbourne and Mercia Safer Neighbourhood Team (SNT) have been conducting highly-visible patrols across all policing beats this week.
"Local residents have been engaging with us and stressing the importance that everyone needs to play their part in adhering to current Covid-19 restrictions.
"Quite rightly, this means that officers have been speaking to people and explaining the importance of following the guidance to protect public health during the pandemic.
"Sadly, some recalcitrant people don't always contribute positively and further engagement is required, which on occasions, results in sanctions and fines being issued.
"At Mercia Marina, officers noticed a couple relaxing in a Fiat car - and it soon became clear that they were not involved in essential exercise from a sedentary position, resulting in fines being issued."
They went on to highlight a number of other things they've caught people doing, which fall afoul of the Covid-19 restrictions.
A non-essential business was found to be operating in a nearby village, leading officers to issue another fine and close the business down.
Then, some 'after-dark activity and drug use' led to more fines near to Swarkestone, and a man was fined for drinking alcohol outside.
However, all of those events pale into insignificance next to the couple f***ing in the back of the Fiat.
It goes without saying, you should probably just obey the rules on this one. The more of us that do that, the quicker this will all be over and we can f*** in Fiats to our heart's content.
Well, maybe not.
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