If You REALLY Want, You Can Buy Christmas Ornaments For Your Beard
Despite Christmas being basically two months away - slightly less, but who's counting? - the hype machine surrounding the festive season has already coughed and spluttered into life.
With that in mind, Christmas beard decorations, anyone?
Yes, it's not enough that you can watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas songs (of which there are about five that are any good before you're really scraping the barrel) on a 24-hour loop, if you're a hirsute person who is feeling a bit festive you can now also show your Christmas spirit by attaching it to your face.
Still interested? There's one born every minute.
Beard Ornaments, as well as being a more than passable band name, are wee baubles and trinkets that you literally weave into your facial hair - although there is no hard and fast rule about which hair you could weave them into - and let hang loose.
If that appeals to you (and you've got more money than sense) they could be yours from around $10 (£7.80).
The collection comes with 12 festive fancies to clip onto your facial fuzz to - they say - 'get your beard excited for the holidays'.
One can only imagine that is some sort of slang for 'look like an absolute roaster' that hasn't quite made it into common parlance yet.
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The company selling these delights is called Beardaments and that's not all they are trying to flog for the festive season.
On top of your beard baubles you can also get your hands on some scented oils that come in fragrances like 'festive mint' or some 'glitterbeard' which is - you've guessed it - glitter, which goes on your beard.
If you're in the UK and don't fancy waiting until your Beardaments can be shipped from the USA, you can buy them online at places like ASOS as well for a relatively reasonable price.
Let's face facts, any price is too much.
While we're at it - ASOS also do a decent line in beard lights and tinsel, should you wish to further demean yourself and, if you're buying any of these, you might as well get the whole package.
Or maybe, just maybe, we could try not to spend the whole Christmas period looking for new and exciting ways to take the piss out of ourselves.
And while we're at it, let's have a real go at letting it actually get to Christmas before we dive headlong into celebrating it.
It's still October, let's remember.
Featured Image Credit: Beardaments