Many people were worried about Jeremy Clarkson's health when news broke that he had been admitted to hospital with pneumonia while holidaying in Spain. The Grand Tour star posted an image of him with a cannula attached to his arm and hospital wristbands, with the caption: "Not the sort of bangles I usually choose on holiday."
But as the driving enthusiast takes time off work, he's revealed some of the measures he's put in place to improve his health. The Sunday Times column, which is very tongue-in-cheek, says: "A few handy hints I can pass on. You could move to Australia, where smoking is just about impossible. But that would mean living in Australia, which would be a bit dreary.
Credit: Jeremy Clarkson/Instagram
"So stay here and go to the cinema a lot. Or shopping centres. And go to bed early.
"The next handy hint I can pass on is Nicorette 4mg 'original flavour' gum. At £18 ($23) a pack it's more expensive than smoking gold, and it causes you to hiccup sometimes, but it delivers the nicotine and that keeps you on an even keel.
"Because of it, I've murdered only three people in the past two days, and one of those was an Uber driver so that doesn't really count.
"What's more, I spend so much time chewing gum, I can't eat, and as a result, since I gave up, I've lost a stone. True fact, that."
According to him, doctors were surprised when tests revealed that his smoking habit hadn't affected his health. He says that he had 96 percent lung capacity of a person his age, and could breathe out harder and longer than a 40-year-old non-smoker. That's pretty impressive.
But he might not want to spend too much time out of work after Amazon posted a cheeky, satirical job advertisement for his position.
Credit: Amazon Jobs
The company has since pulled the ad, but it said: "The successful applicant will join a long-established team of variously sized co-hosts and possess a strong knowledge of cars, metaphors and progressive rock music.
"This host will have a proven track record in effectively dealing with colleagues that they find annoying and being lost in unknown locations. They must be entertaining, engaging and willing to pause before delivering the final word or words of some sentences.
"Please note: Preference will be given to especially tall candidates with curly hair."
Obviously no one could replace the legendary Clarkson, and we hope he's back to full health soon.
Featured Image Credit: PATopics: The Grand Tour, Jeremy Clarkson