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The Stages Of Putting Up With Your Embarrassing Parent On Facebook

The Stages Of Putting Up With Your Embarrassing Parent On Facebook

Is it OK to block your own mum?

Claire Reid

Claire Reid

It all starts with the friend request

'Ooh, who's this? I'm so bloody popular these days, it's a drain...ah, it's my mum...right.' Then you've got to work this out, do a bit of soul-searching. Are you the kind of horrible bastard who can decline your mum's request?

'I'll pretend I haven't seen it...' except that won't last forever, will it? You've got to see her sooner or later and she'll mention it. And then she'll stand over you while you make excuses about your signal being bad or your battery being low, until you just accept it. She's your Facebook friend now.

This is fine

She (or he, let's face it, dads can be just as embarrassing, but my dad is actually pretty sound on social media so I can't really complain about him) will start off slowly. She'll like some photos of you from your graduation or on a night out. You'll be lulled into thinking, 'this is fine, just cut down on the ol' swearwords and I'll be fine. It's nice, actually. It's nice. Digital age, eh?'


via GIPHY

Posts a lot, doesn't she?

'Oh, OK. Calm down with the comments now, sometimes I'm just ranting, I don't need, ARE YOU OK HUN? PHONE ME after I've just typed 150 on why I hate my boss. I just wrote it for likes, mum. I like my boss. I'm just trying to fit in.'

WHY?

And then: WHO'S THIS? KEPT THIS QUIET (All caps, it's always caps like she doesn't know where the caps lock key is) on a picture of you and a friend.

Extra points if the friend is actually someone you fancy. She's just after grandkids and she's not arsed about the casualties along the way.


via GIPHY

What's she up to now? Oh, creeping on classmates from 16 years ago

Can't work the Sky remote but can remember the names of everyone in your class in year three and will comment, 'THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU. HOW'S YOUR MUM??' on the page of some absolute weirdo you've managed to successfully swerve for the past 10 years. Thanks.

Oh, yeah, and while you're there, why not post some really awful pictures from 2002 when I had 'that' haircut. Yeah, go ahead. Tag me in all of those.

Stop it

The non-stop commenting. When will it end? Posting LOL on things your mates have said and liking every comment.

One year my mate's mum went through and liked every single 'happy birthday' post he got. You've literally just liked some lazy bastard who's typed 'HB x', Maureen, get a grip.

Haven't you got stuff to do, mum? How can you spend so much time on Facebook?

I don't remember that bit in Despicable Me...

Loves a minion meme, doesn't she, your mum? Always with spelling mistakes and nothing to do with the film. Always with 15 of her weird mates (who she makes you call auntie, even though you're not related) and 'LOL SO TRUE!' as a caption.

Credit: Facebook

And don't forget: 'WINE O'CLOCK!' That's not a proper time.

Please, don't do this

Saying something inappropriate because she's got no clue of context. I really can't sum this up any better than this image can:

Credit: Facebook

The worst is when your mum comments on something that's a joke, but misses it entirely. 'WHY WERE YOU CHOKING ON SAUSAGE, LOVE? ARE YOU OK?' Just leave it, mum, it's banter.

I can fix this

Allow me to show you the gift that is inboxing, mum.

I'm glad my dad's sound after he fell off the ladder climbing into the loft, I am, honestly. But you didn't need to write it on my wall. I use this page for work, now everyone thinks I've got some sort of wonky Da' who can't get the Christmas deccies out of the loft without making a tit of himself.


via GIPHY

What now?

Well, this is just...wrong. Of course your parents had a sex life, that's how you came into existence. We've all come to terms with that now. But there's a huge difference between knowing about the birds and bees and seeing photos of your mum posing with a massive vibrator at Donna from work's Ann Summer's party. Caption: 'LOL! BEEN A WHILE!' Jesus wept, mum.

Blocking

Yeah, you can do this. You can just block them, they're only the very people who brought me into this world. It's fine. Just make sure you go and visit more often.

Featured image credit: Facebook

Featured Image Credit:

Topics: Family, Facebook

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