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Have You Ever Wondered Why Old Statues Have Small Dicks?

Have You Ever Wondered Why Old Statues Have Small Dicks?

Credit: PA

Have you ever stopped to wonder why all statues in art galleries and museums have small dicks? I can honestly say it's not something I've ever thought about, but I do remember them being smaller than average; I just assumed it was cold when they had to pose.

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If this sort of stuff keeps you awake at night, then you'll be pleased to know that the people at How to Talk About Art History have answered the all-important question. And the reason is because big penises were nothing to be proud of back in ancient Greece and Rome.

Credit: PA

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Big ones meant the owner was 'foolish, lustful and ugly' (bet he could still get fit girls, though) and small ones meant you were a bit smarter and more rational. I think we can safely say it was a lad with a tiny one who started that rumour.

They also think that the sculptor probably spent more time carving the face, hair and muscles, so he didn't spend too long on the penis. And who can blame him there? Imagine if your entire day at work was spent making a dick out of marble?

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My favourite thing about all this is that it bothered someone enough to make them ask a serious art historian. The internet is a wonderful place.

And remember, if you've got a little knob, in future, just tell girls it's actually a sign that you're more rational and intellectual.

Words Claire Reid

Topics: Art, History

Claire Reid

Claire is a journalist at LADbible who, after dossing around for a few years, went to Liverpool John Moores University. She graduated with a degree in Journalism and a whole load of debt. When not writing words in exchange for money she is usually at home watching serial killer documentaries surrounded by cats. You can contact Claire at [email protected]