Some footage leaked yesterday which allegedly shows prisoners in a British jail off their nut, raving at Her Majesty's pleasure. The video has sparked outrage as it shows a murderer and a multi-million-pound drug dealer openly racking up lines and downing booze.
Have a look at the video here...
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On a second watch it becomes more clear that none of them are having much fun. In fact, they each represent clichés that anybody who has suffered the indignity of attending a cock-fest will recognise.
COCK-FEST CLICHÉ #1 - THE GUY WHOSE PARTY IT IS WHO GOES TOO HARD TOO EARLY
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Look at him, it's his do and he's mad for it, isn't he? He's bought the gak in for the guys and he's having the time of his life. 'Rack another line up', his face says. The only thing he needs to watch is not to go too hard, because he's in danger of burning out.
But the thing is, there's a sadness underneath. Why is he more pissed than everyone else? Why is he shouting more than everyone else?
The truth is this guy has invited everyone round hoping for a decent party, and it's ended up a cock-fest. And really, he's deeply - and I mean deeply in the deepest sense of the word here - embarrassed.
He's having to shout because he knows no ladies means no party. He's having to drink because eventually one of his mates is going to ask him when the girls are coming and if he's not pissed enough he'll probably want to crawl up in a ball and die.
COCK-FEST CLICHÉ #2 - THE GUY WHO DOES SOMETHING QUIRKY TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS COMPLETE AND TOTAL LONELINESS
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Look at that silly face. He's the balmy one, isn't it? Not the most handsome, maybe, but he figured out pretty early on in life that if you told cheesy jokes and were able to bounce back quickly from rejection, then you'd occasionally be able to pull semi-hot girls.
'He's harmless, like my brother', the ladies say about him before going on to discuss his fitter best mate.
But here, trapped in a sausage fest with no-luckless lasses to whom he can show magic tricks, he's reduced to a figure of tragedy. Pulling faces at a camera, it's all just for show. Inside he's alone. Inside he's dying. When are the girls getting here?
COCK-FEST CLICHÉ #3 - LADS, LADS, LADS, LADS, LADS, LADS, LADS
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...it's not happening is it, they're not showing up, are they?, well we'd better make the most of it, bang the Arctic Monkeys on, where them stellas?, come on lads, who gives a shit about birds anyway?, now then mardy bum I seen your frown and its like looking down the barrel of a gun and it goes off, rack me another line up, why am I so alone?, where's that line coming along?, and the shit, shock, horror you've seen your future bride, oh, but it's oh so absurd, why does nobody love me?, for you to say the first word, so you're waiting and waiting, feel alright now, it's picking up int it?, who cares mate, who fucking cares about them, if they don't wanna show up, was a good night wasn't it?, so Sally can wait she knows it's too late as she's walking on by, my souuuuuuuuuuuul slides away, don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger, I heard you say...
COCK-FEST CLICHÉ #4 - THE GUY WHO'S NOT EVEN PRETENDING
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Them all inside.
Main image credit: The Sunday People
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Murderer, Party, Prison