Yesterday, when I wrote about a man making a tiny Donald Trump doll complete with tiny penis, I thought I'd covered the weirdest President Trump story.
Until today, when I found out that witches are planning to join forces to cast a spell on Donald Trump on 24 February.
A document has been doing the rounds amongst witchcraft forums and websites and will 'bind Trump to all who abet him'. Fair enough.
Credit: PA
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The idea has caught on, with those who don't even regularly practice getting involved to try and stop the president. It makes a change from protest marches, I suppose.
The spell is set to be performed on the stroke of midnight (I'm not sure which timezone the witches are using, sorry) on 'waning crescent ritual days' - 24 February, 26 March, 24 April, 23 May and 21 June, in case you were wondering - until Trump leaves office. Good luck with that.
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If you want to get involved then you will need a photo of Trump, preferably and unflattering one, the Tower tarot card, tiny stub of an orange candle, pin, white candle, small bowl of water, small bowl of salt, small bowl of sand, feather and a lighter.
You'll need to carve the name Donald J Trump into the candle (or you can use a small carrot - I reckon this small orange stub is another allusion to Trump's cock) and then arrange the other items in a circle, making sure the tarot card is leaning against something so it stands up.
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Now, say a prayer for your own protection - the document reckons the 23rd Psalm is the best - light the white candle and say: "Hear me, oh spirits
Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors
"I call upon you
To bind
Donald J. Trump
So that he may fail utterly
That he may do no harm
To any human soul
Nor any tree
Animal
Rock
Stream
or Sea
"Bind him so that he shall not break our polity
Usurp our liberty
Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair
And bind, too,
All those who enable his wickedness
And those whose mouths speak his poisonous lies
"I beseech thee, spirits, bind all of them
As with chains of iron
Bind their malicious tongues
Strike down their towers of vanity"
(now turn your tarot card upside down)
"I beseech thee in my name
(Say your full name)
In the name of all who walk
Crawl, swim, or fly
Of all the trees, the forests,
Streams, deserts,
Rivers and seas
In the name of Justice
And Liberty
And Love
And Equality
And Peace"
"Bind them in chains
Bind their tongues
Bind their works
Bind their wickedness."
Alternatively, just get pissed like you do every other Friday night. Up to you.
Featured Image Credit: PA/Lorimar Film EntertainmentTopics: Donald Trump