Fall Guys Are Canonically Massive And There's Nothing We Can Do
Hey you know the Fall Guys little jelly bean blokes that are super adorable and flop around and make endearing noises and we all love them because they're squishy and huggable? Yeah, turns out they're not tiny like you imagined, they're actually uncomfortably massive.
As confirmed (for some bizarre reason) by the Fall Guys Twitter account, it looks like the official, canonical size of a Fall Guy is actually 1.83m, or 6 feet tall. Yeah.
In awe at the size of this lad.
Fall Guys actual size. pic.twitter.com/SMgue8YRrO
- Fall Guys :crown: (@FallGuysGame) August 23, 2020
I'm not entirely sure any of us wanted or needed this information, but now we have it, and there are a lot of questions that need answers. Why are they this tall? Could I feasible take one out in hand-to-hand combat if I had to? And in the case of PlayStation, are they available to date? I mean, they do be looking kinda cute doe.
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6ft?? Damn so... are any Fall Guys single? Asking for a friend.
- PlayStation UK (@PlayStationUK) August 24, 2020
If, for some reason, you needed context for that height, it puts them in at 3 inches taller than the average American, who measures a paltry 5 feet 9 inches in comparison. Make no mistake, if and when the Fall Guys decide to rise up against their inferior human creators, it will be a bloodbath for us, potentially of Skynet proportions.
Aside from the height revelation, I'm really, really curious to know what resides inside a Fall Guy. Like, their guts and stuff. Do they have human-like anatomy or are they filled with some kind of superior gelatinous innards? They don't take fall damage, this much we know, so it's unlikely they have bones. I've also never seen one impaled or penetrated by the many obstacles of their assault courses, so I have to believe our pathetic human weapons would not harm them.
I suppose all we can really do is hope and pray that developers Mediatonic and the Fall Guys Twitter account don't make any more whiplash revelations about them. If and when the time comes, I'm not confident we could stop 30-50 feral jelly beans coming at us full tilt, ready to purge the human race from existence.
Featured Image Credit: Mediatonic / Devolver Digital