'Pokémon Go' Has Been Exposed As The Tool Of Illuminati Control It Really Is
Bad news lads, turns out that Pokémon Go isn't all fun and games afterall and it is, in fact, an app the Illuminati are using to further their control over the population and ensure us 'sheeple' never become woke.
According to Gawker, the app - which has become a world-wide sensation since launching in the USA, New Zealand and Australia - requires you to give it full access to your location and camera, alongside full access to your Google account.
In one particularly Orwellian part of the terms and conditions, you are required to agree to its creators: "[disclosing] any information about you (or your authorized child) that is in our possession or control to government or law enforcement officials or private parties."
There's also this bit...
(Image Credit: Reddit)
As TechCrunch explained, we are far more likely to agree to such permissions when they're all that's stopping a Charmander staring us in the face.
Gawker also reported that Pokémon Go has a direct(-ish) line to the CIA, with Pokémon Go created by Niantic, which was formed by John Hanke.
In an article published on the site, Ashley Feinberg writes: "Now, Hanke also just so happened to help found Keyhole. What does Keyhole do, you ask? I'd tell you to go to Keyhole's website-but you can't. It just takes you straight to Google Earth. That's because Keyhole was acquired by Google back in 2004.
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"Before that, though, Keyhole received funding from a firm called In-Q-Tel, a government-controlled venture capital firm that invests in companies that will help beef up Big Brother's tool belt. What's more, the funds In-Q-Tel gave Keyhole mostly came from the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA), whose primary mission is "collecting, analyzing, and distributing geospatial intelligence."
So it turns out acquiring Pokémon Go means making a Faustian pact, you get your precious Bulbasaur, but you also give all your details away to a shadow-y elite who secretly control the entire world.
Luckily it's not officially launched in the UK yet, so there's still time to throw your iPhone in the bin, put on a tin foil hat and avoid the evil New World Order endorsed app at any cost.
To be fair though, it's not like you don't give all your personal details away to Facebook anyway.
Who's up for a Poké battle then, lads?
Words by AN ILLUMINATI SHILL