In a hypothetical scenario where you had to choose one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
If the answer isn't chicken nuggets then you're simply wrong. I don't care if you don't like chicken, think Nando's is overrated or you're a vegan. And I'm also not bothered that I sound like a 12-year-old girl on Tumblr but... chicken nuggets are life.
I can't stop saying chicken nuggets. Just the words themselves bring a smile to my face and a growl to my belly.
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The strongest friendships rise up from nuggets. They can also come crashing down by the wrath of the golden coated poultry. Need I remind you of the, 'It's not about the nuggets, it's about the lies' tale? A truly great story of our time perfectly illustrating the power of the chicken nugget.
Some of the greatest minds throughout history have professed their love for the chicken nugget.
Life. Credit: McDonald's
Who can forget playwright and novelist Oscar Wilde famously saying: "Keep nuggets in your heart. A life without them is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead."
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Or when American philosopher Henry David Thoreau claimed: "An early morning nugget is a blessing for the whole day."
How about Mother Teresa and her wise words of advice: "Let us always meet each other with nuggets, for the nuggets are the beginning of love."
And when Buddha himself shouted from the rooftops: "You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your nuggets than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and nuggets."
Or ruler of the entire Roman empire Julius Caesar upon conquering Egypt: "I came, I saw, I got 20 chicken nuggets."
It is with all this evidence of the greatness of chicken nuggets that I can confirm Farragut High School student Carson Koller should absolutely not have been suspended for buying an extra chicken nugget in the lunch line.
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Koller was handed the one-day suspension by his school for theft of property after he took six chicken nuggets rather than five. His mother took to Facebook to vent her frustration.
"How is it theft if he paid for it? It's food. FOOD!!! Not weapons. Not drugs. Not alcohol. Not cheating on a test. ... I am shaking my head over this and not sure what to do. Laugh, punish, argue, dress him up as a nugget bandit, or let it go."
There is a small part of me that wants to see Carson dressed up as a nugget bandit, to be honest. But I digress.
Credit: Isaac H-D/YouTube
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His mother outraged, the weight of history behind him, and a little bit of common sense applied, justice has been done and, according to the Knoxville News Sentinel, Koller's suspension was rescinded after a letter was sent to school administrators explaining he had in fact paid for his extra nugget.
In fact, it was the school who messed up having charged poor Carson $2.75 for his meal, $2.50 as the regular lunch charge and another charge of $2.75.
While you may think chicken nuggets are the cause of the chaos, it's plain to see nuggets are not in fact the problem here. Nuggets are never the problem. This is just a simple case of jobsworths being stupid and not using common sense.
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I'll leave you with a quote from one of the most powerful yet divisive women in British politics, Margaret Thatcher. Regardless of how you feel about her, she was certainly right about one thing: "A world without chicken nuggets would be less stable and more dangerous for us all."
The nugget life is not for all of us. It's for the best of us.
Featured image credit: Facebook/McDonald's
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