The Mystery Of Kiosk Keith - The Enigma Of 'I'm A Celebrity'
When you're watching I'm A Celeb, you've probably laughed at the bromance and banter between Ant and Dec, the disgusting challenges that Z-listers have to endure to extend their five minutes of fame and generally enjoyed the little 'doodly-doodly-doo' noise the spider makes when he wraps the fly up in his web.
But there's one man whose presence is continually there - like a father figure. Ever-watching, ever-silent and brooding. He's almost omnipresent and you've probably never even really thought about him. Of course, I'm on about Kiosk Keith.
Here he is Dj-ing.
Can't wait to meet up with Keith this year, he's such a laugh. Crazy guy. Can't stop him cracking jokes. Nutter. D
A photo posted by Ant & Dec (@antanddecofficial) on
Well, we decided to try and figure out who exactly Kiosk Keith is. I went into this particular challenge full of optimism and joy, hopeful that my stalking abilities from years of being a) a woman and b) nosey as fuck, would finally pay off. It'd be a massive scoop.
As it turns out, Keith is impossible to track down. I went all Nev from Catfish and reverse-image searched this picture...
It's the only piece of evidence I could find that Keith is a real-life person who has an existence outside of I'm A Celeb. Alas, to no avail. It kept taking me back to that Facebook profile which seems to be a fan account. I checked out all his friends on there, even the two people that that account is following. Nothing.
I was starting to get very desperate, the scoop of the century was slipping through my fingers quicker than Adam Thomas can down a pint of blended pig's penis.
My head was rushing, the can of Monster Energy I was using to fuel my search was beginning to feel heavy in my stomach and my hands were shaking from the sugar rush. What if his name isn't even Keith?!
Let's look at what we know:
- He doesn't speak
- He has a moustache
That's literally it. Whenever we hear 'his voice', we don't see his mouth moving. He could be Spanish for all we know. Could be Greek. Could be Scottish. Who knows!
I began desperately searching terms like 'I know Kiosk Keith's real name' into Twitter. It was fruitless. I checked IMDB, looking at the whole list of production crew names, absent-mindedly clicking the odd name.
If Kiosk Keith was in front of me now, he'd be slamming the shutter of opportunity right in my fucking face.
It seems like we're doomed to never know who Kiosk Keith really is. Before today, I didn't care. But now, it's going to keep me up at night.
IF YOU KNOW WHO KIOSK KEITH IS, get in touch. [email protected]
Featured image credit: ITV/I'm A Celeb