Therapist shares secret signs that you’re actually toxic

Entering this new year you might have had a little list of resolutions you’re insisting you’re going to keep.

Perhaps it was quitting vaping or reading more or maybe saying goodbye to toxic relationships in your life?

But what if you’re the one who is actually toxic? Now that would be a spicy spanner in the works.

Well, a therapist has shared the ‘secret signs’ that you might be a toxic person.

Jamie Mahler is based over in Los Angeles, California, and helps people to heal themselves and learn how to cultivate healthy relationships.

She says she used to be a toxic person but has used her own teachings to stamp out any unhealthy patterns and become a kinder person.

The therapist told Insider she didn’t realise how toxic she was until she spent time with her partner’s family: “I genuinely remember thinking, ‘This isn't fake? You actually care and treat each other like this?’”

Mahler then began to reflect on the behaviours she grew up with and a few years later she started graduate school for therapy.

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She once thought her own behaviours and interactions were healthy but now realises these three key signs of a toxic person.

The first is ‘passive agressiveness’, explaining that she thought her family’s passive aggressive comments to each other were a ‘normal way people solved their problems’.

And Mahler used them in romantic relationships but has now learned ‘being direct in asking for your needs to be met is a healthier approach’.

The next sign is ‘seeking constant validation from partners’.

She says that she would place ‘unfair expectations’ to raise her ‘self-worth’.

For example, she’d expect them to compliment her and affirm her if she was feeling bad about her body. But it wouldn’t help and then she’d be annoyed at her partner.

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She realises she was setting them up for failure and that ‘seeking constant validation' isn’t the same thing as asking for extra support.

Mahler said: “The purpose of a relationship isn’t to use each other. It’s to honour and celebrate each other.”

And her third sign you’re toxic is ‘staying in unfulfilling friendships’.

The therapist realised a lot of her friendships focused on gossiping and had a lack of boundaries which led to arguments.

So, Mahler was honest with herself about the friends she actually wanted to be around and if their ‘expectations didn’t align’ she decided they shouldn’t be friends. With no hard feelings.

Feeling healed, lads?

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health

Jess Battison

Jess is an Entertainment Journalist with a love of all things pop culture. Her main interests include keeping up with the Twitter girlies, waiting for a new series of The Traitors and losing her voice at a Beyoncé concert. She graduated with a first in Journalism from City, University of London in 2021 and has previously worked at MyLondon.

@jessbattison_