Expert reveals 10 ‘revolutionary’ ways to instantly enhance your sex life in the bedroom
If you're looking for ways to change things up in the sheets or improve performance with your partner, then look no further...
Dr Rena Malik is a urologist, sexual health expert, and pelvic surgeon based in the US - and she's now provided her expert advice on how you can spice your relationship up.
In the past, the medical professional has revealed how long sex lasts on average, warnings about No Nut November, and if size really matters. Now, posting advice on her YouTube channel, the expert gave us 10 ways to 'increase pleasure' in bed.
Communication
Though it might seem like a no-brainer, Dr Malik says that many of her partners go to see her and admit they haven't asked their partner about said problem.
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She explained: "Sometimes they're just not sure and it's not your fault because no-one taught us how to communicate about sex. It's not something you learn in sex ed, it's not something your parents usually talk to you about so how do you even start doing it?"
She pointed out that you have to communicate out of the bed room, and ensure it's not a serious conversation right before or after being intimate.
It needs to be in a neutral situation where everyone can feel secure, and it may need a few conversations, emphasising that it's nothing wrong with the other person, but more about what you want to try out.
Being open to masturbation
You might be surprised at that one, but Dr Malik says that it's important to 'be open' and 'learn' from self-pleasure.
Describing it as a 'great' way to explore your own body, it can help you find out what works for you.
She pointed out: "Don't take it as 'oh, they're finding pleasure by themselves, I'm gonna be replaced', it's more about 'hey, this is great, my partner is finding pleasure and is able to communicate that with me!"
Highlighting that this can work in relationships where there are mismatched libidos, it's also a way to find if the erogenous zones work for you.
Stimulate the clitoris
Aimed about men aiming to pleasure women, the health expert says that the first thing to aim for is 'stimulating the clitoris'.
Using science to back it up, she explained: "80 to 90 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax,
"Because the clitoris is the homolog of the penis and what this means is that they both develop from the same tissue embryologically."
Foreplay is key
While she explains that it's key for men and women, she pointed out that it can take up to 20 to 30 minutes for women to become fully aroused.
Failing to do this can result in the sex being painful as the woman's sexual organs aren't lubricated enough.
Some women may find this harder to do due to age, or with it being a genetic condition, Dr Malik explains.
Use lube
While some people may avoid using this due to the stigmas around it, Dr Malik explains: "Lubrication is fun, it's great, it's cheap and the bottom line is lubricants are meant to make things more slippery, more fun and have less friction."
She highlights that it's for 'every age', as she advises that you use water-based ones as they are easy to find and buy.
Silicon-based lubricants are actually longer-lasting though, and oil-based lube also lasts longer, though it can break condoms.
Performance issues are okay
"There are times where a man will lose his erection early or ejaculate earlier than he wanted to and that's okay,
"It's important to realise that that's not a sign that something is wrong with you," the urologist highlighted.
Speaking to female viewers, she explained that it could be due to alcohol, medical issues, or something mentally - the point is it's 'okay to keep going'.
"There are other ways you continue pleasuring each each other," as she suggested foreplay or even the use of toys.
Relax more
Basically, if your body is stressed, it releases cortisol and increases your fight or flight response.
Dr Malik added: "Your body can't differentiate between a stressor like a lion coming after you, or a stressor like you had a rough day at work, your body does the same thing.
"If you're stressed you're just not going to be able to get blood flow to the genitals because it's working somewhere else - it's going to be much harder to get aroused," the American health professional said.
Couples relaxation before getting intimate can help, and it could be anything from yoga or meditation together to getting a massage.
Schedule time for intimacy
Dr Malik noted that a lot of people wouldn't want to 'schedule sex', as it should be spontaneous, but sometimes, life can take over.
"When you've won been in a longer term relationship or you've got other stressors in life, it's more difficult to get aroused just by seeing your partner," she explained.
Apparently, there are two types of desire - spontaneous desire, and responsive desire.
The latter isn't triggered by just seeing them or thinking about them, but while you're being intimate together and cuddling, or similar.
It signals to your body that you're ready for a bedroom session, though if you're lying in bed facing away from each other on your phones, it doesn't help.
This is why scheduled time can make a difference, because you might have everything in life scheduled to a tee, apart from your sex life - which is time with your partner, after all.
Mindfulness
Being mindful is very important, and it means being present during intimacy and trying not to think about other everyday tasks.
It's about living in the moment, focusing on the touch of your partner, if they smell nice, how it feels to be back with them after work.
"Focus on those sensations, it can lead to a overall better sex life, better pleasure, better orgasms, better overall experience during sex," Dr Malik highlighted.
Exercise
This should be important anyway, from a health point of view, but it can help to reduce stress and improve long-term health.
She further explained: "Exercise has also been linked with increased sexual
arousal - that can be with things like walking, swimming, yoga, strength training,
all those things have been looked at to increase sexual arousal."
She suggested going to the gym quickly, then come home to shower with your partner and 'see where it leads'.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community, YouTube
Joshua Nair