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Topics: Dating trends, Science, Sex and Relationships
Joshua Nair
Topics: Dating trends, Science, Sex and Relationships
It has now been proven, scientifically, if 'playing hard to get' works in the dating world.
The concept has been around as long as dating has, with many singletons opting for the technique in the early stages of meeting someone.
I don't know about you, but this has always sounded bizarre to me, but the fact of the matter is that it sometimes works.
The dating world is a unforgiving one, and if there's anything people can do to have an upper hand, they often give it a go. It's an age-old dating trend, a far cry from modern trends like hotwifing or breadcrumbing, and it doesn't require much.
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Playing hard to get often involves someone acting distant, hiding their true feelings and not appearing interested, making them difficult to figure out romantically.
Whether it be purposely delaying text replies or talking to others to provoke a reaction, many don't consider it to be the healthiest dating method.
But does it actually work, or are people simply ruining their chances for potential relationships?
Apparently, science has had its say, through an article which was published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2022.
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Titled 'Playing Hard-to-Get: A New Look at an Old Strategy', the study is considered the the first 'empirical review' on playing hard to get, reviewing 18 studies that went over the strategy and its success.
Published by Lori Hazel, a psychologist at Princeton University, her team found that the technique actually resulted in positive relationship and sexual outcomes.
Studies revealed that women were more likely to think about men and feel more attracted to them when they were unsure about how they felt about them, based on a 2011 study.
While this was based on social media profiles, authors theorised that this was due to a desire to get rid of their uncertainty, to clear their own heads and figure out what they really think.
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"Playing hard-to-get may be effective in inducing lure by creating confusion or intrigue that leads to rumination about the player." they wrote.
But in a different study, it was found that when people were selectively hard to get, that is, only available for the individual, they were liked more than others who were hard to get in general.
As people had a higher self-esteem when interacting with a selectively hard to get person, it suggested that people may be drawn to them as they feel 'unique or special'.
Playing moderately hard to get is also a technique adopted by many, fearing to go too far one way. And research reveals that this is the perfect level to be at - think not too hard or easy, but somewhere in-between.
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There is evidence in the article that suggests that dating efforts could be sabotaged by playing hard to get.
Some trends show that some people prefer clear communicators who explain their romantic intentions, resulting in more future interactions.
Many aren't fans of feeling uncertain in the dating world, with playing hard to get causing them to seek someone else who is more attentive to how they feel.
It was noted by authors that it would be almost impossible to create real-life first-time interactions between partners in a scientific setting, and while some have tried to use speed dating, most existing research writes about hypothetical scenarios.
So while there have been findings, they may not accurately be a representation of all interactions in real life.
The short answer is, sometimes. It can work in certain situations, and blow up in your face in others - it always depends on the person.
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But it's worth noting that the world is headed towards valuing communication and transparency, so being too distant could cost you a potential relationship.
It's all about balance, by not being too distant or too clingy.
Good luck out there.