Yes, unfortunately, there's yet another toxic dating trend making the rounds right now - like we didn't already have enough to deal with!
Anyone who has spent enough time in the world of online dating will be able to tell you what breadcrumbing is, recite the key signs of ‘cookie jarring’ and probably list a step-by-step guide to figuring out if your significant other is ‘spider-webbing’ you or not.
But now there’s a new practice on the block, named after a famous celebrity/artist you probably know (and maybe love).
This toxic dating trend, known as ‘Banksying’, gets its name from the anonymous satirical street graffiti artist known as Banksy.
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Banksy, whose artwork seems to just pop up in public spaces overnight, has made headlines in the past when their 2006 painting Girl with Balloon unexpectedly self-destructed after it was sold at auction.
This damaged artwork, renamed as Love is in the Bin, is the inspiration behind the new dating trend that experts claim ‘everyone has experienced’, Banksying.
What is the 'Banksying' dating trend?
USA Today defined someone who ‘Banskies’ their relationship as a person who elects to destroy it before the other person sees it coming, much like the Love is in the Bin shredding we talked about earlier.
So, unlike Ghosting - when your SO decides to just suddenly disappear from your life - someone who is ‘Banksying’ may have been giving off clues that they had emotionally checked out for days, weeks or maybe even months in severe cases.
After letting the relationship mentally decay for some time, these individuals typically feel more justified about ending things, while their partners are sometimes left blindsided and confused.
We weren’t lying when we told you it was toxic!
What experts say about the ‘Banksying’ dating trend
Apparently, 'Banksying' has been going on for some time - it just has a trendy name now, according to Amy Chan, a dating coach and author.
“’Banksying’ happens more now, especially with the proliferation of dating apps, where people have developed poor dating etiquette," she told USA Today.
"The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock.
“It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance.”
Meanwhile, Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert at Seeking.com stated that people who are experiencing the trend can often sense that there is something wrong despite their partner’s reassurance that everything is still perfect.
“’Banksying’ is something that we have all experienced at one point or another," Hathorn explained.
"Previously, there hasn’t been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out. Emotionally manipulative, emotionally distant – there are plenty of ways that people have tried to define it.”
Signs of the Banksying dating trend
Unfortunately, it can be ridiculously difficult to figure out whether your partner is getting in on this toxic dating trend.
This is because while everything may seem happy and smiley on the outside, inside their head could be a whole different story.
Vice reported that you should instead take stock of what your gut is saying. If something feels off, trust your instincts and communicate these valid concerns with your partner.
“They might not be using their words to tell you—but their actions are,” said Chan.
“They might lie and say everything is ‘fine,’ but you also have to exert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance.
“Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behaviour under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”
Topics: Dating trends, Lifestyle, Sex and Relationships, Community
Ella Scott