TV star explained strict rule for couples at 'soft swapping' parties as trend grows in popularity
Swinging has got a tamer little sister known as 'soft swapping' - and it's becoming quite trendy.
Although this form of ethical non-monogamy already had a decent fanbase, its popularity has peaked since a TV star publicly endorsed it.
Taylor Frankie Paul ended up dishing the dirt on her involvement in 'soft swapping' in 2022, as it played a big part in her divorce with former husband Tate Paul.
And as she stars in the Hulu reality TV show The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives, viewers got a front row seat to the fallout.
Advert
Taylor caused chaos for the entire cast three years ago when she hopped on a livestream to announce she and Tate were splitting after she bent the rules while at a 'soft swapping' party.
For those who don't know, this term refers to couples exchanging partners in the same room and happily getting frisky - but they draw the line at penetrative sex, according to men's health site Hims.
"Many people who are new to ethical non-monogamy or the swinger lifestyle commonly ease in with soft swapping," it explains, which is exactly what happened with Taylor and Tate.
During a previous appearance on The Viall Files podcast, the mother-of-three, 31, revealed she and her ex were essentially ‘inexperienced swingers’.
They decided to dip their toe into the world of ethical non-monogamy by trying out soft swapping and both laid some strict ground rules down.
Taylor, from Utah, explained they both agreed that nothing would happen 'behind closed doors' without the other person being present, so 'sneaking off' for a quickie was completely off the cards.
Detailing the agreement she had made with Tate, the reality star said in a TikTok live announcing her divorce in 2022: "As long as we were both there and we saw it and we knew it, it was OK.
"And the second it goes behind without each other, you’ve stepped out of the agreement. And I did that."
She went on to reveal: "There was a group of us that were intimate with each other. All of us were pretty open to it and on board for it.
"Obviously no one was forced. We would have parties and everyone by the end of the night would go and do all that...it happened several times."
As you can imagine, this nugget of information left The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives fans desperate to find out who the other people caught up in 'soft swapping' were.
Explaining that all those involved had agree to only be intimate when everyone was on board with it - rather than secret rendezvous taking place - Taylor confessed she flouted this rule.
She ended up admitting that she'd struck up an emotional affair with one of the husbands who were part of the 'soft swapping' squad, saying they had 'stepped out' of the group agreement and had 'gone all the way', according to The Cut.
As we previously established, penetrative sex - especially without her former partner present - was supposed to be off the menu for Taylor.
Her betrayal proved to be the final nail in the coffin of her marriage with Tate, but according to one relationship expert, the couple had been on the right lines with their 'rules' before Taylor broke them.
Licensed therapist and sex educator Jillian Amodio explained couples should set explicitly clear boundaries when getting into this kind of thing.
She previously told Today.com: "This is what we talk about in therapy with couples who want to explore open relationships or consensual non-monogamy...‘What does physical intimacy mean to you? What does sex mean to you? What does cheating mean to you?'
"If your definition is different than your partner’s definition, that’s where we run into problems."
Remember that you can move the goalposts along the way, Amodio says, as you and your other half should constantly communicate about what you like and what you don't about this lifestyle choice.
Sharing some advice, the therapist added: "Don’t lie. Be honest. Answer questions honestly - don’t hide things from a partner. Make sure you’re checking in with your partner.
"Make sure that they are getting what they need, emotionally and physically. Honour their wants, needs, honour their comforts and discomforts. It really is communication and consent."
Topics: Sex and Relationships, TikTok, TV, Lifestyle
Olivia Burke