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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community
Joshua Nair
A sex and relationships expert has revealed the six red flags that might serve as alarm bells for you and your partner.
It's important to note that no two sex lives are the same, and that there isn't some sort of criteria that everyone needs to reach, as people's sex lives, much like their real ones, won't be the same forever - despite what you might see on social media.
Being in a long-term relationship can bring about ups and downs in this department, but what signs are there to look out for that signal a real problem?
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Lisa Lawless, PhD, is the CEO of Holistic Wisdom Inc, and is a sex and relationships expert - she has highlighted the six red flags to look out for in the bedroom.
Sex can't solve all of your problems, as much as you may want it to, and this may be taking away from your overall satisfaction of the experience.
Whether it be a tough time at work, new medication or mental exhaustion, anything can affect your libido - but feeling disappointed or a lack of satisfaction more often than not can signal an issue.
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Lawless says that a 'consistent pattern of dissatisfaction or lack of fulfilment after sexual activities,' should lead to an assessment of the situation.
You may be putting a lot more effort in than your partner or failing to climax as much as you used to, and it may be time to have a real chat with your significant other if these things continue.
Being intimate with someone is the most vulnerable that an individual can be - going beyond being nude in front of each other, there's a level of connection that you wouldn't normally share with just anyone.
Sex should be a safe space where you can be honest, you should be able to share weird fantasies, worries or suggestions with your partner, without the fear of hurting their feelings or accidentally insulting them.
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Being scared to do this is an obvious red flag, says Lawless.
Speaking to Women, Dr. Lawless explained that your partner must have an open mind, suggesting that this is a problem, it 'suggests underlying challenges in communication or unresolved conflicts surrounding sex.'
Having that mental block 'may impact sexual desire or functioning', which can cause more problems later on down the line.
Trust is a big thing not just in bed, but in a healthy relationship.
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Exploring different avenues in bed, challenging yourself and trying new things, that's when boundaries are the most important thing.
It could be anything from not wanting to do a certain thing, not wanting to be touched somewhere, or anything else - but they are your boundaries.
If you've outlined your boundaries and limits and your partner attempts to change your mind despite being clear with them that you want to steer clear of it, this could raise alarm bells.
Doing this is a lack of respect to you and the relationship, and the red flag here goes beyond just a sex life, it's a red flag for the future of the relationship as a whole.
Each person has their own sex drive, but if the tides have suddenly turned and one or both of you stop wanting to be as intimate as you used to be, it could be a cause for concern.
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Lawless stated: "A red flag may be when someone starts to lose interest in sex, diverging from their normal levels of desire."
If there is a noticeable drop off, for example having sex a few times a week to having it once every couple of months, it might be worth raising with your partner.
It may point out underlying relationship challenges or a disconnect with your partner emotionally, especially if it is one-sided.
"A decline in sexual desire can often be the surface symptom of deeper issues such as stress [and] hormonal imbalances," the expert says, as external factors may be the cause of the problem, and your relationship may not be in jeopardy.
Medicines could contribute to this, or even lifestyle factors.
"Excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, or a sedentary lifestyle can also lead to decreased sexual desire," Lawless reveals.
"This is because they can disrupt hormone levels, decrease blood flow, and impair nerve function, all of which are crucial for sexual performance."
It's key to remember that 'sex' isn't just intercourse or penetration, it could mean a lot more than that.
If your partner doesn't agree, it could be a red flag in itself.
By having this restricted view of sex, there are a number of ways that you both are missing out on different ways to experience pleasure, while creating a disconnect about sexual expectations.
According to Pleasure Better, just 18.4 percent of women can orgasm solely through vaginal penetration, so mixing things up is essential.
But putting all the attention on focus on the orgasm itself could be detrimental too, as one person will feel 'responsible' for getting the other to finish, feeling down when they can't achieve it, despite the fact that other issues and biological factors can affect this.
Foreplay on its own could be an avenue you explore, sexting - you know, spicing things up could help the situation.
Talking about sex can be tricky, as several countries can deem the topic as taboo.
But being unable to discuss sex with your partner at all is a red flag, as Lawless says that someone may be trying to talk about their physical and emotional issues that link to their sex life, going well beyond a simple sexual fantasy or two.
She explains: "If you are feeling a bit hesitant to talk about sex with your partner, it could be a sign that you're struggling to open up fully, or maybe some underlying issues need attention.
"If you're finding it a bit tricky to get the conversation flowing, seeking out a therapist to guide you both might just be the key. Consider scheduling a visit with a qualified therapist who has expertise in sexual health or anxiety."