Woman living with narcissism shares how disorder affects 'every aspect of her daily life'
A woman living with narcissism has revealed how the disorder impacts every aspect of her life.
According to WebMD, narcissism is 'extreme self-involvement that makes a person ignore the needs of those around them'.
While most people exhibit narcissistic behaviour from time to time, a true narcissist 'frequently disregards others or their feelings'.
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Tessa, 24, is living with narcissistic personality disorder.
"I always say I'm not my diagnosis, but at the same time it pervades everything I do," Tessa explained.
"Narcissistic personality disorder impacts every aspect of my life. NPD is a mental health condition in which people can have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, trouble with relationships and a lack of empathy for others."
In a video, shared on SELF's YouTube channel, Tessa explained how her condition impacts her day-to-day life.
Getting ready
Tessa explained that even when getting ready in the morning, she struggles with feelings of emptiness.
"My feelings of emptiness and my perfectionism impacts my morning ritual of getting ready," she said.
"I'm in the mirror every day doing my make-up first thing, practice facial expressions, body movements and stuff, 'cause I just wanna' come across exactly how I want.
"I'm the type of narcissist that really wants and needs the spotlight so badly.
But every time I get it, I find myself freezing up due to past traumas of humiliation."
Self-care
Tessa explained that she values self-care to feel at her best, explaining how she often practices meditation to combat symptoms.
"Self-care is beyond important for me to regulate my symptoms and to feel at my best and most capable," she explained.
"The symptoms that relate specifically to my NPD are fragmentation of myself, I feel like a million different pieces that's struggling to be a whole person.
"... I really struggle to be interested in anything outside of myself, it's like this pathological self focus where even if I wanted to be interested, I can't.
"So I do mindfulness meditation to help with my symptoms."
Community
Tessa explained that finding an NPD community online has been super helpful, especially when meeting people who also struggle with the same condition.
"It felt like I had found my people for the first time," she said.
Music
"Making music helps me the most with my emotional dysregulation and expressing myself when I find it very hard to open up to others," said Tessa.
"Sometimes I'll have a really hard day and suddenly I'll feel like a song is ready to burst out of me and I'll just rush to my room and pour out everything.
"I don't even know what I'm feeling."
Tessa explained music allows her to express her thoughts, adding that her style is a mix of different genres.
Relationships
Tessa explained that often, her romantic relationships are impacted by her NPD.
"My relationships are often negatively affected by my grandiosity, my cognitive distortions and my depression," she said.
Grandiosity is a psychological trait that involves an unrealistic feeling of superiority.
"Once I've worked through my negative symptoms, my healthy relationships have helped every symptom I have."
Tessa explained that while she's not had any previous healthy relationships, she's currently with a partner where she feels 'seen and loved'.
Topics: Health, US News, Mental Health
Lucy Devine