‘High-functioning alcoholic’ shares moment she realised it was a problem

A former 'high-functioning alcoholic' revealed what led her to finally realise that she had a drinking problem.

Although she managed to maintain a facade of living a normal life, Julie McFadden admitted that she knew deep down that her dependence on alcohol had gotten out of control.

Despite her private struggle, the hospice nurse - who is well known on social media for sharing stories about her job - said she was 'still functioning pretty well' day to day.

"I did not drink everyday, I still had a job, I had never been to jail, never had a DUI," Julie told her 1.7million TikTok followers in a post shared last year.

"In fact, many close people in my life would not have considered me an alcoholic."

Julie defined herself as a 'high-functioning alcoholic', which is a term used to describe a person who is reliant on alcohol 'but is still able to function relatively effectively in their daily life'.

According to the Priory Group, these people are usually 'able to continue doing many of their daily tasks like going to work and looking after family members'.

Julie explained that although this isn't an official medical term and a lot of people in recovery 'don't like it', she thinks it perfectly described her relationship with booze.

"I get it, an alcoholic is an alcoholic," she said. "The reason why I stay stuff like 'high-functioning alcoholic' is that alcoholism is so misunderstood in the world."

The social media star said that people often presume that if someone doesn't 'look' like their idea of a stereotypical alcoholic, they couldn't possibly have a problem.

Julie said: "And that is just not true. We have this image of what alcoholism is, and if you don't fit that image, you 'don't need help'. A lot of people suffer because of that, and I was one of those people for many years."

Despite trying 'all the things' that you're supposed to when attempting to go sober - such as attending retreats, exercising more and going to church - nothing seemed to help the hospice nurse.

She continued: "I always knew I had a 'thing' with alcohol, but I was still functioning pretty well, so who cares, right? Plus, everything else was the problem, not alcohol.

"If I just got the right job, if I just moved to the right place, if I just met the right guy, then I wouldn't drink that much. None of it worked."

At the age of 33, she decided to completely redefine her relationship with the hard stuff - and Julie says that she only 'truly discovered' that she was an alcoholic after she quit drinking.

She explained: "Because guess what? My life got worse. Instead of my life getting better, doing all the things I thought I would do if I quit drinking, my life got smaller.

"It was harder for me to go out in public and do things, see friends, workout, have hobbies - it was harder for me to do anything.

"I thought my life was going to flourish. It was the opposite of flourish. I felt at the end of my rope. Because I finally did the thing, this amazing thing where I quit drinking. Why isn't my life better?"

But the gravity of the situation only fully sank in for Julie when she 'finally told someone' about her ordeal.

She opened up to an acquaintance rather than a close friend, who responded by informing her that her mother had faced a similar experience to Julie three decades prior.

Her confidant then explained that her mum had signed up to the 12 step programme to help her stay on the wagon... which inspired Julie to embark on a similar journey.

"That is when my sobriety truly took off," Julie said. "I learned how to live sober and use a 12 step programme to give me relief - relief what alcohol used to give me.

"I learned about alcoholism, what it meant to be an alcoholic, it's not just about drinking, it's about thinking.

"And I truly recovered. I still go to this day and it's been eight years. It's the biggest part of my life. It has shaped every part of my life and I feel recovered.

"Alcoholism is still alive and well in this brain and I need to treat that. I can treat that with alcohol or I can treat it with recovery. Today, I choose recovery."

Please drink responsibly. If you want to discuss any issues relating to alcohol in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends for advice and support.