You'll always come across some difficult characters when you're living in a flat or house share - whether they're refusing to do any of the washing up, labelling everything in the fridge with passive-aggressive post-it notes or partial to a particularly loud shagging sesh at 8am when you're trying to get ready for work.
But all that pales into comparison when you see how bad you could have it, as pointed out by someone who tweeted screenshots from one prospective housemate.
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Basically, anyone who wants to live with this person is not allowed to do anything.
Let's break it down.
Firstly, this person works from home, which obviously means you can't be anywhere near the house during those hours.
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"I need you to be out of the flat on week days during normal working hours (9-5) because I work from home 5 days a week and I need the place to myself," they explained.
"If you have a proper job, this shouldn't be a problem. Students who go to university on random days for a few hours or stay at home all day long and chill out unfortunately can't live here.
"I'm not fussy about the weekends, I just want to know you have somewhere to be Mon to Fri from the morning till late afternoon."
Jesus.
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But it gets worse. Not only must you 'use door handles rather than push the doors to slam' and 'try to behave quietly', you can't laugh out loud after 11pm or sleep with the radio on.
The continued: "I used to have this flatmate who was on Skype for 2-3 hours every day (5 hours on weekends). I won't have that. This is a quiet building in general, and I usually read or watch something in the evenings, and the other flatmatehas to study. So I don't want to hear noise coming from your room all the time."
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What about the loo - surely there can't be rules for using the loo? Wrong.
"If you have to run to the toilet 15 times a day or every 15 minutes, don't move in here," the post states.
"If you say you don't spend much time in the bathroom because you don't take long showers but then you sit on the toilet several times a day (like the flatmate who's moving out), and only your morning bathroom runs take almost one hour in total, this definitely isn't a place for you."
There's a whole bunch of restrictions on cooking, too - like the fact they're after someone 'a little more sophisticated', so no canned beans, cooked lentils or beer-drinking, apparently. The hallmarks of vulgarity.
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"There's no cooking in this flat before 8.30am and after 11pm," the person adds.
"Occasionally I will allow it, and you can also make some porridge or use the microwave. But anything that requires pots and pans and a lot of washing-up afterwards is not allowed, and if it smells so much that it wakes everybody else up - it's also not OK.
"I don't like people spending a lot of time cooking in general. If you ONLY eat cooked/fried meals because you don't know how to make a sandwich, and you hang around the kitchen for hours a day (and I do mean HOURS) or spend every weekend preparing elaborate meals and baking, etc, this isn't a place for you."
Oh, and don't forget that afterwards the dirty dishes 'need to be washed sooner rather than later' (if they lie in the sink for two days, that won't be tolerated).
With all these rules, surely this person must like cracking open a cold one and chilling out? Naaaat quite.
"As for alcohol, drugs, and other such things, I don't really want to see people here 'under the influence'," the post explains.
"Beer, wine etc in reasonable amounts are obviously fine, we're all adults here, but apart from that I don't want any crazy stuff here."
I'm guessing having mates over is probably out of the question then?
Surprise, surprise, this area's a bit of a touchy subject, too: "I don't want to constantly see your friends hanging around the flat. If you have guests 3 times a week, it's too much.
"Sometimes you may have a guest coming over for the weekend or a few days - that's fine as long as it's not every month, although it also depends on what kind of flatmate you are and who your friends are. But there are gazillions of places in London where you can socialize, and the flat is for the flatmates.
"Boyfriends and girlfriends are OK as long as they're not sleeping here 3-4 times a week because that means that half the time we'd have a fourth person living with us, and in that case they should be paying the rent like everyone else. If you must see your partner that often, you should live with them, not with us."
Man, I'm knackered.
Featured Image Credit: Warner Bros
