A few weeks ago, in England's friendly against Spain, Sergio Ramos experienced Eric Dier's big tackle first hand. Now, thanks to a picture shared on Instagram, we can all feel Sergio's pain.
The Tottenham midfielder shared a picture of himself with some of the guys from his former club, Sporting CP, but nobody seems to have paid any attention to Nani and the rest of the gang... how could they when Dier's monstrous trackie bottom baguette is staring them in the face?!
Even at 6'2 that seems disproportionately massive. No wonder he looks so chuffed with himself, almost smug.
Surely it can't actually be what it looks like? Right? It must just be an unfortunate shadow, or a fortunate shadow, whichever way you look at it. That lumpy bit at the end of the unfortunate/fortunate shadow must just be the end of a small bell, which he happens to be carrying in his pocket.
Yes, that must be it.
Safe to say the mystery pant party didn't go unnoticed... indeed, it's almost impossible not to see it once you have.
Some people seemed convinced it must be exactly what it seemed.
One person said: "Boys that's a massive cock and it's real."
Another said: "Jheeeeez his cock is massive."
Such an advantage having a DM with three fucking legs. (Pun intended)
- Spiggy (@SpiggyTope) November 7, 2018
One person proposed a new chant for Dier: "His dick is offside, his dick is offsiiiiidde, Eric Dier, his dick is offside."
Though terrible counter chants were also proposed:
His new song now has to be:
His is a monster dong!
His is a monster dooooong!
It's one hell of a dong!
- A Socialist Beerman (@JonTheBeerman) November 7, 2018
Even teammate Jan Vertonghen got in on the act.
He said: "You look VERY happy to see them."
The 24-year-old played for Sporting CP between 2012 and 2014 and is fluent in Portuguese, having grown up in the country. He demonstrated his language skills in the caption for the now infamous picture, writing 'Família verde e branco' - or 'green and white family'.
However, it seems 'família verde e branca e meu schlong absolutamente maciço' would have been a more accurate caption ... or 'green and white family and my absolutely massive schlong', if Google translate is to trusted.