Therapist explains the five stages that show your marriage is dying and there is no going back
When couples tie the knot, they expect to be married to the other person for the rest of their lives. For thousands out there, this sometimes isn't the case. Divorce is firmly on the cards for many couples who legally bound their lives together.
Despite the old wives' tale saying 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, it's not quite true, with the rates for divorce in recent years sitting at around 6.6 percent. It's still a lot of couples calling it quits but it is also not anything like the one in two mark we're told to believe.
Marriage is partly about sacrifice, but for some, it just gets too much. Many will go through a divorce despite still loving the other person; it is just that it is no longer working out how they wanted it to.
Advert
One marriage therapist has put together a list of five stages that show a couple are pretty much on the path to divorce without knowing it.
Identifying these issues is key if you want to stay with your life partner. Otherwise, there is a major risk of opening yourself up to going your separate ways for good.
Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist from Arkansas, USA, knows a thing or two about how couples work.
The first stage to be aware of is disillusionment; a mindset where at least one of the two people in a couple are not happy with how the relationship is progressing.
Whetstone told HuffPost: "They mull it over and say, ‘You know, relationships have ups and downs, and I’ll just see how this goes and see if my feelings change'."
By not addressing the issue when it crops up, the erosion of the foundations of marriage have begun. This is the second stage.
Once that feeling of disillusionment sets in, the mind wanders and the idea of divorce is thought about.
"They may make sarcastic remarks to their spouse, complain, get an attitude, or roll their eyes, but whatever it is, it stays between them," Whetstone says.
Moving on to stage three, where at least one of the two people in the marriage emotionally detach themselves from the situation they're in. Some look for hobbies to distract themselves from the problems at home. Others might go as far as thinking about an affair or even having one.
"They are focusing more and more on their unhappiness, seeing every little negative thing and becoming more blind to the things they once enjoyed" Whetstone explains. What were once private issues might then seep outwards, with others noticing how frosty or unemotional the relationship is becoming.
The fourth stage is where things are almost done and dusted with, it's sadly the straw that breaks everything.
It can be tiny or something big, either way, at this stage a person cannot tolerate any more and will say they need out, no longer able to cope with pretending everything is okay.
The final stage for Whetstone is the death of the marriage, but that doesn't have to be the death of the couple.
It can mean, in some circumstances that the death of the marriage in the form it had taken is gone forever. Can they start anew? It truly depends on the couple and the circumstances.
"The spouse will not go back to the way things were,” she said.
"It is possible that a future with their partner can be found under the right circumstances ."
Topics: Sex and Relationships, News
Tom Earnshaw