| Last updated
I think the best way to explain to anyone outside the UK or who didn't go to university who wants to have it explained what it's like to live in a student house over here, is to tell a story from my time as a student.
One night I come home at 4am. I'm seven sheets to the wind, off the back of £1 Jägerbombs, and although I can't remember exactly the night it's safer to say I'd been listening to the best (or arguably, the worst) of late noughties land-fill indie.
For the past few day me and my housemates had been noticing these weird little pellets around the kitchen, and although we hadn't seen the exact animal yet, it was safe to say we were entering the grip of an infestation.
So there I am.
After a few attempts at getting the key into the keyhole, I manage to get the front door open. I turn on the hall light, open the door and walk into my living room. We were cheap, the bulb had blown a few weeks before and nobody had bothered to replace it. I wasn't gonna be the one to buy it, anyway.
I take a few step in the pitch black. And it's then that I hear it. A skuttle.
'What the fuck is that,' I think. I try to have a look around, but no, nothing, it's entirely dark. Can't even see my own hands. But hey, I'm pissed, who cares, whatever it is, it's not gonna kill me is it. So I stumble forward towards the kitchen, in near complete darkness.
Fuck, what's that under my feet, I've just stood on. That didn't feel good.
I walk through to the kitchen and wedge open the door to get some light through. Look down, and there it is. A mouse. Not quite dead, but it's clearly not in a good way.
I'm sorry. Credit: Pixabay
See I think it's worth pointing out here that I was very pissed and I'm not the kind of guy to put the poor thing out of it's misery. I've got a heart. Y'know live and live let live and all that, I can't kill it and besides I didn't know how injured it was. At the end of the day it could make a full recovery, who was I to play god?
But, I can't just leave it there can I. What if one of the two other guys I live with come in and accidentally finish it off. So I get a sweeping brush and I give it a little push toward the sofa. It's still moving. Everything's going to be alright.
And, one of this things about this whole story is that I woke up the next day and I didn't remember doing it. That was the end of that as far as I was concerned.
Although it wasn't.
A couple of months later it was time to move out: time to give the place a clean.
We haven't really been in living room much towards the end of our stay because there's been an absolutely foul smell. And none of us has been able to figure out what it is. We don't even think the place is that filthy, but I guess all houses are like that whilst your studying? Who cares? Just hang out in each others rooms don't you?
But I want my deposit back, so I'm going to have to clean it up.
I have a sweep round, get the mop out and do that. But the smell's not going away, so I think, actually, it's worth doing the job properly.
I start moving the sofa out from the wall - and as I start to move it, that smell that's been keeping us out of the living room, it gets about ten times worse. Really pungent.
Oh shit. What is that?
I keep pulling it out so it's almost entirely away from the wall, and then I see it.
It's that mouse. Only it's not alive anymore. The corpse is there, rotting, half-decomposed. That's why we've all been hanging out in our bedrooms for the final term. Fuck.
So anyway the point is, that kind of thing as a student - like, admittedly it's gross looking back, but at the time it's normal. You live in a shithole, you slum it. You're 20, you're thin, you're alcohol problem is only in its infancy, who gives a shit?
Which is why this student house that's been put up for sale caught my eye, because fucking hell. Just look at it:
All credit: UPAD
With seven bedroom, a hot-tub and even it's own farmhouse, it costs £6,000 per month - that's £857 each - including all bills and super-fast Wifi in every room. Some rich kid's parents are going to be playing through their arse for that.
If you're interested in viewing the property, the agent to contact is UPAD on 03332 401210.
Chosen for YouChosen for You
Most Read StoriesMost Read