Former Playboy star Holly Madison has said her first experience having sex with Hugh Hefner was traumatic.
“I was wasted,” Holly said on the podcast “Power: Hugh Hefner” in December.
“He was literally pushed on top of me. And after it happened, I was just mortified and embarrassed, and it had way more of an emotional impact on me than I thought it would.”
Holly, 41, had dated the Playboy founder for seven years between 2001 and 2008.
She was at a club with a group of other women when Hefner invited them back to his notorious mansion.
From there, the situation rapidly escalated.
Holly - a former star on US TV series Girls Next Door - hasn't been expecting to get involved in any sexual activities that night.
"I thought it would be more of a first date — even though, obviously, it’s not a very traditional first date,” she said. “I thought it would be more the type of thing where I saw what happened, saw what was going on.
"If I wasn’t comfortable with it, I wouldn’t have to do anything and I could make my decision on whether I wanted to come back for date No. 2 or not.”
She admired Hefner. After all, he was the founder of one of the most iconic brands in the history of mankind.
At the same time, Holly was horrified that all the other ladies knew she and Hef had slept together.
She said: “I kind of all of a sudden felt like everybody was going to know about me, and I was horrified by it.”
The attraction of the mansion reeled Holly in, even though she wanted to leave.
“I felt like, ‘There’s no taking that back, so I might as well get what I came for'," she said. "I felt like by moving myself in and getting what I wanted from the situation, that was demanding respect in a way.
"I felt like if I didn’t do that, I was just going to be haunted by this experience."
It was after that sentence she referred to it as 'traumatic'.
In a preview of the A&E docuseries Secrets Of Playboy she added: “I felt like I was in the cycle of gross things and I didn’t know what to do.
“I got to a point where I kind of broke under that pressure and being made to feel like I needed to look exactly like everybody else.”
Hugh Hefner died at the age of 91 from cardiac arrest and sepsis in September 2017.
Charlie Metcalfe