True reason Ancient Greek statues all have small penises

If you've ever wondered why the Ancient Greek statues all have tiny penises, it seems there might be a logical reason why.

The fact that most of the statues are absolutely ripped but are growers not showers has caused much merriment for many a museum school trip.

The Ancient Greeks gave us the Olympic games, so it shouldn't be surprised they're all carved with the body of a god, but it has raised more than a few eyebrows that they're lacking in the trouser department.

You'll see more bits on display in a museum than on an episode of Naked Attraction, but not one of them would be picked by a size queen on the show.

Beauty standards are always fluctuating and changing, so it's quite possible that Ancient Greeks decided it was what you do with it that counts, or maybe he had a really great personality.

So why exactly were they carved with tiny todgers?

Many statues boast incredible physical prowess, apart from below the (non-existent) belt (PHAS/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Historian Paul Chrystal explained the paltry proportions in his book, In Bed with the Ancient Greeks.

According to Chrystal, they were left wanting because it was a desirable trait at the time.

The historian explained that for the Ancient Greeks, having a little willy 'was a badge of the highest culture and a paragon of civilization'.

"Big penises were vulgar and outside the cultural norm, something sported by the barbarians of the world," Chrystal wrote.

"The small penis was consonant with Greek ideals of male beauty," he added.

Those with above average appendages were seen as brutes, and not as refined or, er, well-rounded as their smaller counterparts.

Remember that one as an excuse for next time.

Many statues don't have much to look at (Photo by David Lees/Corbis/VCG via Getty Images)

Bigger bits were also regarded as a 'sign of stupidity' in comedies at the time, making them 'more beast than man', so being carved with a weeny one meant you were packing in the brain department instead.

Art historian Andrew Lear suggested that the reason Ancient Greek statues of men were not well-endowed was because that 'represented self-control'.

Anyone can hit the gym and pack on muscle, but not everyone can be a genius.

He finished by saying that the size of the genitals was 'never a badge or virility or manliness in ancient Greece as it was in other cultures."

“Potency came from the intellect needed to power man’s responsibility to father children, prolong the family line and the oikos [the family unit or household], and sustain the polis [the city-state].”

Now you know!