Content warning: This article discusses suicide.
For Isobel, or Izie, the day she found out her cousin Sebastian had died by suicide ten years ago is etched into her memory, not just for the devastating news, but for the silence that surrounded it.
In a powerful reflection, Izie shared how the tragedy exposed a deep-seated need for increased communication in her family — overcoming a silence that is only now being broken by a new generation of men willing to talk.
The Trauma of Finding Out
Izie’s cousin, Sebastian, was just 24 when he took his own life the day after his birthday. She explains that they weren't super close, partly because the family connection was on her father's side, who she says are “very stereotypically old-fashioned" and not ones to always speak about their emotions.
The initial shock was compounded by the way she found out: "The way I found out was through a Facebook post from his sister... ‘I can't believe we've lost you’ type thing."
After seeing the post, the moment she raised the news with her father about it spoke volumes to Izie, and reinforced to her the traditional stereotypes that exist around the way men cope with grief. Her dad had known the whole morning.
“I had seen him about, but he never said anything to me. He was just gardening outside."
Izie thinks this was perhaps a way to distract himself from the awful truth of the situation.
Yet when she finally found the words, to ask "Oh my God, has Seb died" she recalls, "you could just see [it], his heart dropped." It became real for him in that moment.
She believes her father and uncle's traditional upbringing, accompanied by beliefs such as ‘toughing it out’ and ‘suffering in silence’ would have "really affected the way they identified and processed emotions, including their grief". Maybe this also affected what connection and support looked like within the family.
A Decade of Change: The Shift to Openness
Losing Sebastian cemented Izie's resolve to be different. She now feels "100% more open" about discussing mental health and mental health challenges.
This openness has extended to "asking questions and just being more present with my male friends", particularly as she is currently dealing with another close male friend who has "really, really struggled" with his mental health and needs support.
Izie notes the powerful shift happening among men today, giving the example of her partner's friends.
"They've got a group chat where every Wednesday they post a video of themselves having a candid conversation about how they're feeling, what's happened in the week, anything stressful," she shares, calling it "so nice" and a change that had "no chance of happening 10 years ago."
She now embraces 'dark humour' as a tool to cope, saying, "in a way, it's kind of like we're being honest".
The Movember Mission: Making Conversations the Norm
Izie’s story underscores the vital mission of Movember, the global movementdedicated to tackling the three biggest men’s health issues: mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer and testicular cancer.
The problem is stark: In Australia, suicide remains the leading cause of death in men aged 15 - 54 years. More than 3 in 4 people who die by suicide are men
Izie highlights powerful example of why change matters, and reminds us that we can all make a difference. By being present and asking the hard questions, Izie is helping ensure that the men in her life never feel alone in their struggle. She’s also joining Movember and moving for mental health this November - to raise life-saving funds that will help stop men from dying too young.
Join Izie, and get involved this Movember. Whether you grow a Mo, or Move for mental health, together we can rally together to raise funds and save lives. We do it for our fathers, brothers, partners, and mates. Sign up now at Movember.com.
If you or your mates need support, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, or visit movember.com/getsupport
Featured Image Credit: Getty Images
The LADbible Team