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People are only just working out if they're in a 'starter marriage'

People are only just working out if they're in a 'starter marriage'

A therapist has shared the signs you might be in a 'starter marriage'

Ever heard the term ‘starter marriage’? Well, if you’re young and married you might be in one.

In life, some relationships are designed to go the distance - shout out to my best pal from school who is still my best pal now - and others, well, they’re not, like that holiday romance you had or the weird person you befriended on the first day of uni and then spent three years avoiding.

This is true for both romantic and non-romantic relationships, and it’s also true of marriages.

Yep, while most couples tying the knot are probably banking on their vows lasting a lifetime, we know that not all marriages are built to last.

A ‘starter marriage’ is one which fails within the first five years, usually before you hit 30, and you have no kids or lasting ties once the divorce is finalised.

For those reading this and wondering if they might be in a starter marriage, there’s several signs to look out for, according to clinical therapist Sherry Amatenstein.

A therapist has shared the signs you may be in a ‘starter marriage’.
Pexels/Emma Bauso

Firstly, you may have noticed that since the big day things have consistently gone down hill. While it's easy to be swept in the excitement - and hours and hours of arduous planning - of your special day, once the cake is cut and the photos taken are you still feeling it?

Or have you realised that you and your brand new bride/groom actually aren’t as compatible as you first thought?

Next up, Amatenstein says that if you had some lingering doubts on your wedding but went ahead with it anyway, that could be a sign your marriage isn’t going to last.

While ‘cold feet’ are a perfectly normal experience for lots of soon-to-be-married folks, if you had serious concerns about the state of your relationship and hoped that a wedding might ‘fix’ things or give you a fresh start, then you could be set for disappointment.

Third on the list is ‘did you have a chance to sew your wild oats?’ Amatenstein says that she has counselled ‘many couples’ who have married young without really exploring life as an independent person. Over time, she says, this can lead to one or both partners dreaming of the life they never had the chance to live. And we all know that isn’t going to end well.

Most people hope their vows will last a lifetime but that’s not always the case.
Pexels/Emma Bauso

Next, we have a lack of marital role models. Amatenstein says that if a couple’s only glimpse of grown up relationships is via TV and movies, it could spell trouble later down the line.

She believes that as children learn from those around them, seeing healthy relationships close to home will pave the way for them having their own in the future.

She warned: “Without guidance from other role models, this couple will likely end up in divorce court.”

Finally, are you impulse led with a short attention span? If so, then you may put a strain on your marriage. According to Amatenstein, those who do have short attention spans may cut and run at the first signs of boredom rather than sticking it out to work through things.

Featured Image Credit: Getty stock images

Topics: Sex and Relationships