When 2016 came around, much like every other year, we thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as the previous one, and then 10 days in we got dealt a People's Elbow in the form of a celebrity death. Bowie's demise was bad, but then we also lost Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan, Natalie Cole, Harambe, and Prince. It was rough.
We've given plenty of personification to this year. "That's enough thanks, 2016", "Leave us alone, 2016", "Pick on somebody your own size, 2016!", "Hey 2016, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire you fucking odious prick!"
Image: PA
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But, of course, the truth remains that years don't have personalities nor are they bloodthirsty. It's just a mixture of mere coincidence, bad-stoicism on our part, and social media introversion. 2015 also had loadsa bad shit, but because we don't exist in 2015 anymore, we tend to forget. I doubt the same will happen as much with 2016 cause it does seem a bit OTT, but still. It all depends on your personality.
2017 will be terrible to those who choose to see it like that and/or are naive to the common reality of poisonous politics and worldwide conflict. For everyone else who realises there have been far worse years than 2016 (1945, 1916, pretty much any year from history prior to the industrial revolution) we'll have some stuff to look forward to, like...
EMINEM'S NEW ALBUM!
Sure, it's not 2002 anymore but I think the most of us would be lying if we said we didn't hold a soft spot for the Detroit rapper.
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WIMBLEDON
Andy Murray will probably win again and treat the victory like he's just finished a child's word search.
SUPERBOWL
On February 5th 2017, all us Brits will be able to tweet stuff like "Hate when I'm watching adverts and American Football keeps coming on" and get 4 retweets and 1 fave. That, or pretend to be savvy about absolutely anything to do with the sport.
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WATCH DONALD TRUMP ADDRESS THE U.S.
He's gonna be there in January at Capitol Hill, succeeding Barack Obama saying "Folks, we did it. They say we couldn't. I have something for them. Something real beautiful folks. Watch this - let me tell you - watch this space. We're gonna do change - can you feel this? We're gonna put the task to the world and we're gonna make it right. I can't wait, folks."
STAR WARS VIII
Rogue One hits cinemas next month but there's no lightsabers in that, do you know what I mean? No lightsabers, no party. No Kylo Ren, no ten out of ten.
If this upcoming sequel is anything like The Force Awakens, we're all gonna be having a fantastic 2017 regardless of whether any zoo animals get gunned down.
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IT NOT BEING 2016
David Bowie, for fuck sake.
GAME OF THRONES SEASON 7
To my shame, I have never seen GOT, but by all accounts it's great. It's in its seventh season, so it must be. Winter is coming next year! (no idea if that is terrible, bang-on, embarrassing or all three)
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STRANGER THINGS SEASON 2
The same thing applies with this.
SUMMER
Winter is passable until New Years Day, after which it's just grim AF until the first rays of spring, and then summer. What a 3 days that's gonna be!
PROBABLY A NEW iPHONE
I've lost count of which one we're on, but the next one's already in the works. Also, just gadgets in general.
THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LAST EMPEROR OF RUSSIA TSAR NICHOLAS II'S ABDICATION
It's gonna be a fucking big one!
Bring on 2017.
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