A British Airways pilot has been suspended amid claims that he fiddled with himself while wearing stockings in the cockpit, midway through a long-haul flight. Ha ha cockpit. Playing with himself.
I've been on long-haul flights. And I hear pilots just chuck it on autopilot for most of the journey and have a rave so I can see why you'd get bored. I tend to stick to viewing a DVD (once got through the whole of The Reader, which I think deserves a medal), perhaps getting a bit of a kip and whatever I do, absolutely, definitely, unequivocally do not talk to the person next to me. If it transpires they're a moron on a short-haul flight, bearable, long-haul, just crush my skull like The Mountain did to Oberyn. I can categorically say, and my lawyer can back me up, that I have never touched myself on an aeroplane before.
Captain Colin Glover, 51, who has been a pilot since 1990, is said to have been flying a Boeing 777 at 38,000 feet when he took slightly odd pictures of himself. He has vehemently denied the allegation.
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But what makes this accusation particularly frightening is the fact he works for British Airways. This isn't your cheap, budget crap that I won't mention by name because of something to do with a lawsuit. No, sir! This is the epitome of Britain, the quintessential apotheosis of everything someone from Blighty stands for.
Basically, we've all been accused of fiddling around in a captain's cockpit.
Here's an image that is particularly rank, which he claims is not of him.
Image credit: Unknown
The purportedly shows his leg sprawled across the dashboard while the plane appears to have been set to autopilot.
BA is said to be, "taking these allegations extremely seriously."
Credit: Unknown
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To the uninitiated, the images looks old, but airline expert Chris Yates believes that the pictures are legit. He said yesterday: "This is very dangerous if the plane is in mid-flight.
"If you are flying, you can fly into serious turbulence.
"This person is in danger of losing his aircraft and his job." I think the very fact the person is wearing stockings and pleasuring himself is potentially a sackable offence in most positions. Perhaps not Deviant Gloryhole Divas 39, but in most over professions it will be frowned upon. If I try it right now I'm pretty sure it'd be a hard sell to do the old Richard Keys and say it was just banter.
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Chris Yates, airline 'expert'. Image credit: @AirSecurity
When you have a pondering pose, that always makes you a trustworthy guy. Let's hope it's all not true.
And where the hell was the co-pilot in all of this? Taking the pictures? Joining the Mile High club? Too preoccupied with a steak and kidney pie?
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Otherwise, it's a move to (insert airline name here) for Glover.
Featured image credit: PA
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