When we were younger, if we wanted to have a bit of 'me time', we'd have to wait until everyone was out of the house for at least an hour, go through the whole dial-up rigmarole, and then hope no one rang the house phone and interrupted our already shaky internet connection.
Now, the new generation of masturbators will complain if their wifi signal strength isn't four bars. They don't know they're fucking born, do they?
Soon, though, that won't be a problem for younger lads. They'll have a whole different issue to deal with - they won't be able to access porn as of next year.
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The UK government revealed its brand new Digital Economy Bill, which says that porn sites will have to use some kind of age verification.
So, I'm sorry, underage pocket pool players, but unless you can worm your way through an online age checker, you won't be bashing the bishop until you're of age.
Does this mean the days of sharing a Razzle with your mates are returning? Each having one day a week with it, trying your best to not let the pages stick together. That's what early teen nostalgia is all about.
It's unclear how websites will obtain people's truthful age, but it's likely not going to be an easy routine.
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Open Rights Group previously stated that the act of age verification is an act of ruining free expression.
"While preventing children from seeing pornography is a worthy aim, age verification is fraught with difficulties if infringements of privacy and free expression are to be avoided," they said. "We will urge caution and advocate avoiding blunt instruments such as website blocking."
Of course, the bill still needs to be discussed for the next several months. However, the government believes it'll be in place by spring, 2017.
Gutted for you all. Welcome to what life was like 10/15 years ago for people who are now over the age of 20.
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Words by Mark McGowan
Featured image credit: PA
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