Featured Image: Getty
As I was walking through town the other day, some young lad - hoisting his phone about 10 inches from his chest - appeared out of nowhere and careered straight into me, almost sending the Scotch egg I was eating spiralling into the horizon.
At first I was griped by the sheer irresponsibility of it. Then I was griped by the lack of apology to not only myself, but the Scotch egg. And then I was griped by the realisation he'd been playing Pokémon Go. Furthermore, I became, and have remained ever since, griped by the fact most of the people I know play Pokémon Go
Advert
.If you asked me while drunk why I haven't smashed that MF download button yet, I'd probably say: 'Maybe because, um, hi, I'm not a fucking virgin?' But that's a cheap shot. Besides, the mates I know who have downloaded the app are all sociable and 'normal' people.
Image: Getty
So let's go over my issue a bit more extensively. I don't like Pokémon Go because it's another reminder that a lot of my generation would rather set their teeth on fire than address or embrace adulthood. That they're perhaps unknowingly fortifying this idea of adulthood being nothing but underemployment, uni debt, sexual impotence and ITV dramas. In other words, an adulthood that in no way emulates our parents' or grandparents'.
Advert
I'm no Pokémon snob. Like most people my age, the entire brand was a momentous part of my childhood. I watched the show, played the games and bought the cards with the same incomprehensible joy that I now do payday pints. But I'm 23 this year. I can now sit in a beer garden as opposed to running around one to amuse myself; I can watch murder mysteries and know what's going on; I can decide my own holidays, drive, talk to girls. Long story short, adulthood's great. Or at least it can be.
If I blur the lines between childhood, adolescence and adulthood, and reinforce the negative cliché of youth being the best days of your life, I'm painting the years we all experience beyond 12 in the worst light possible.
Image: Getty
Advert
'But it's a distraction from all the horror in the world!' Yeah, it can be. But no-one's saying you should sit in your room, turning your lamp on-and-off while thinking about social inequality and terrorism. Of course distractions can be good. What I would say, though, is that it's pretty naive to think the world is at its nadir in 2016, because it'll always seem that way. The Earth has never suffered as many black eyes as it has today.
Pokémon Go follows other nostalgic safe spaces, like Hollywood, whose producers, you might've noticed, have transfigured superhero films from their Technicolor roots to dramatic and dark Oscar-nominated films. All the while, still concerning people in latex costumes saving people from peril and clichéd evil. Christopher Nolan, in my eyes, could put as cold a filter on The Dark Night as he liked, but it never detracted from the fact it was about someone who wore a cape and a mask with custom bat ears.
And Pokémon Go, regardless of its progression to mobile phones - a 'grown up' technology - doesn't detract from the fact it's about catching imaginary cartoon animals in restaurants you should be discussing the arts in.
... Or so is the view some users hold. But it misses the point. To reject Pokémon Go is not to ridicule or dismiss all apps in general - I can concede to simple pleasures as much as the next person - nor is it a call for everyone to start coughing up money on caviar and wax lyrical about The Adventures of Augie March on the bus to strangers.
Advert
I suppose it's just an unconscious effort to aspire to the maturity which some are dead set against. But that's just me, lads.
Words by Josh Teal