Ending domestic abuse is a matter of life or death

Domestic abuse often hides in plain sight. It affects millions of women each year, but often goes unnoticed until it’s too late. In the UK, at least one woman a week is killed by their current or ex partner.

To help raise awareness, LADbible has teamed up with Women's Aid and production company Merman to launch a new campaign to help people spot the signs of coercive and controlling behaviour before it’s too late.

Coercive behaviour is a widespread issue with 43,774 offences recorded in 2023, and one which disproportionately affects women, with police data showing that 95% of victims are women.

A new short film called Van Wife, produced by Merman (known for Bad Sisters and Motherland), aims to help people understand what abuse looks like and how it can escalate. The film tells the story of a couple who seem happy at first. They go on a road trip in their van and share their ‘Insta-perfect’ experiences on social media. But as the film progresses, we see a darker side to their relationship, escalating from seemingly harmless behaviours to full-blown coercive control, verbal, and physical abuse. In the film, the woman eventually manages to get away with the help of a friend who saw what was happening and rushed to support her.

Recognising the signs is the first step to ending abuse. Red flags can include isolating someone from their loved ones, monitoring their phone or online activity, dictating their appearance, constant criticism, humiliation, name-calling, and any form of physical violence. Pay attention to changes in someone's behaviour. Are they withdrawing from social activities? Do they seem anxious or fearful around their partner? Trust your gut feeling if something doesn't seem right.

As part of the campaign, LAD also spoke to Mia Boardman, a survivor of domestic abuse who now speaks out with Women's Aid. She tells the terrifying story of when she was attacked at home by her partner, something she had thought would never happen to her. Mia feared for her life and managed to reach out to a friend who called the police. Her story is a powerful reminder of how quickly abuse can escalate and how important it is to seek help.

Mia spoke to LADbible about the red flags people should look out for in a relationship: "I'd say obviously controlling what you wear, who you speak to, where you go, going through your phone, especially, well, anytime going through your phone, I was about to say, especially when you're asleep, but going through your phone, monitoring who you're following.

"One of the main things, and I think with social media it can be so amazing, but it's become so big now that especially in abusive relationships in the start, you can see everything.

"You know, 'You followed that person' or 'you are following that person'. 'Why are you following them, even from years ago? That can be control but people might not think it's control. And something that's so important is love shouldn't hurt and someone that loves you should never, ever hurt you."

Mia went on to say of her own abusive partner 'he never respected me, he never cared for me, he never looked after me, he was the opposite to all of that'.

She added: "I was quite lucky in a sense that I didn't lose any friends, but I think I was quite distant from them. I sort of stopped replying in the group chat, I think 'cause I didn't really have as much to say.

"And I think back, looking back, I obviously was struggling mentally but I didn't realise it at the time. So I wasn't as happy. Like, my friends would describe it like my sparkle was sort of going."

Remember, leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly difficult and dangerous. If you're concerned about someone, offer support by being there for them, listening without judgement, and believing their experience. Help them access resources like those provided by Women's Aid.

If you recognise these signs in your own relationship or someone else's, please reach out for help. Being able to spot the red flags can be a matter of life and death.

Help and support is available from www.womensaid.org.uk.