A leading medical expert on the world of people's bottoms has shared what he thinks is a 'very common' toilet-related mistake Brits are making every day, which can 'f**k' the balance of bacteria in your rear end.
Going by various nicknames of 'Dr Butthole','the bottom whisperer' and the 'Surgeon General of Bottoming', Dr Evan Goldstein is a highly regarded anal surgeon in the US.
Dr Goldstein practices in New York City, but alongside his surgery, he uses his mini-celebrity status to warn others of the worrying health side effects related to the mistreatment of the bottom - including warnings of the 'silent disease' known as anal cancer, sharing the key signs to spot if it's at an advanced stage.
Appearing as a guest on the Am I Doing It Wrong HuffPost podcast in October 2024, Dr Goldstein said the common mistake occurs after number twos in particular.
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He believes that using wet wipes can have a hugely damaging impact when people use the loo.
He explained standard loo roll allegedly risks unnecessary damage, and wet wipes upset the different bacteria of the bodily region.
The surgeon said he was worried about the trend, and how many companies flog the moist wipes.
"They are so terrible - not only for the environment, but for your hole," he told the podcast. "There's so many companies out there throwing wipes and I think they should all be banned.
"I see 90 people a week [in my office], and I would say one-third of all the people coming through are coming in from wet wipe-induced issues."
The dark side of wet wipes
Dr Goldstein said the chemicals the wet wipes are soaked in cause the issue, as they can negatively affect the microbiome of the surrounding area.
The doctor put it bluntly: "We have good bacteria, we have bad bacteria, but they are in homeostasis. They are in equilibrium. Wet wipes f**k that in a really bad way."
The bum whisperer has seen dermatitis and bacterial infection in his patients following the regular use of wet wipes and a changed biome.
Extremely serious health issues such as haemorrhoids, fissures and fungal growth could occur, the doc said, which would be a disaster to any unwitting patient.
The best way to wipe your behind
Dr Goldstein advises to install a bidet - a smaller plumbing feature that uses a stream of water to clean the anal and genital area - as this will cause less irritation than toilet paper.
If this isn't possible though, he advises using the shower for a quick bottom rinse.
Along with his routine medical career, Dr Goldstein has taken extensive efforts to provide highly specialised medical care for the gay community, founding Bespoke Surgical in 2010.
His services revolve around the pillars of prevention, restoration and reconstruction of any medical needs. They advocate for regular HIV testing and prevention, plus advising on the differences of sexual health between heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
With all this in mind, it's no surprise that Dr Goldstein has been deemed the world's most notable expert on anal sex, and long may his important work continue.
Ellis Whitehouse