Man United fan who would ‘drink until he physically couldn’t’ can finally remember games after going sober
Warning: This article contains discussion of alcoholism which some readers may find distressing
A football fan has opened up about how alcohol once dominated his life and left him struggling to remember some of his team's most iconic moments.
Whoever you might support, every football fan understands what it means to be stood with your mates in the stands as your team lifts the trophy they've been fighting all season for.
For Jay Motty, though, while he was present for Manchester United's success under Sir Alex Ferguson, alcohol wiped away much of it from his memory.
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Unable to have just one, the podcaster would drink until he 'physically couldn't drink anymore' - it became like an 'obsession'.
Eventually, however, in a bid to save his relationship, he took the decision to ditch the booze once and for all, and has never looked back.
Speaking to LADbible, Jay bravely explained that he'd been though 'a lot of false starts' where he thought he had to stop drinking before going back to it, but for him 'the penny finally dropped' about 10 years ago after the 2014 World Cup.
He said: "I'd been away to Brazil in the World Cup. I've been drinking, obviously, a lot in in Brazil, and then when I got back, I was sort of still drinking.
“I had a partner and we were starting a family, and she just sort of had a chat with me and said, ‘Look, you know, we can't carry on like this, we can't, this isn't going to work’.
"And we've been through some stuff together, and we've been through some loss together as well. I needed to be there, and I wasn't able to be there when I was drinking, and I wasn't able to be someone who could just control their drinking and have no social drinking, or one or two after work or whatever.
“That was never me. I just drank until I physically couldn't drink anymore. So I felt like it was time to stop again, to try and stop again, and this time it's continued."
With it being Dry January right about now, there are plenty of people across the UK who have decided to ditch alcohol for the month, and some of them will decide to stay away for good after feeling the differences.
While it wasn't Jay's own incentive to quit, he knows all about the difficulty of trying to stay sober in the days after you stop drinking.
"I suffered, I felt ill, felt like I was barely functioning," he told us of the days after giving up alcohol. "Obviously the temptation then is to drink again. I know it sounds like a contradiction, but to drink to feel normal, when it's the alcohol that's actually made you feel abnormal in the first place.
“But I resisted that, and I knew from experience, when I quit drinking before that if you can get past the first few days, the first few weeks, it does tend to get a little bit easier, and that's what I did."
He explained that he 'used that experience to persevere' and then he 'got to a point where it became a lot easier, both physically and mentally'.
"You have these sort of moments where you'll go, 'hang on a minute, I feel great', I feel physically well, I feel mentally stable, I'm able to make decisions, I'm able to think clearly, I'm able to think rationally, I'm able to live without that obsession'," Jay explained of the progress he made after going sober.
"A lot of the time with heavy alcohol use, what I went through was that almost obsession. You're thinking about the next drink all the time, even sometimes when you're actually drinking, you're already thinking about the next one.
"So you have that sort of mental obsession can get lifted physically. You can feel like you've not felt for years. Even basic functions that you take for granted, eating properly, being able to have a meal without a drink or whatever, being able to take part In exercise, physically do things that when I was drinking a lot, I just wasn't able to."
As for being able to enjoy the football more since he quit drinking, Jay said that drinking before a game had become 'part of his match routine' and especially so before away matches.
Even if supporting United in recent years hasn't always been the enjoyable experience it was when Fergie was manager, Jay says he actually enjoys it more these days, especially because he can take his kids with him and share his passion with them.
"Whilst I'm a United fan and the football hasn't been great all the time over the last 10 years, my enjoyment of it has been a lot better," he explains.
"Because I'll be honest with you, most of the time when we were winning games and trophies under Sir Alex Ferguson, I can barely remember any of it, if I'm being brutally honest. So it is good, you know.
"One of the the best experiences I've had as a football fan is is taking my kids to the game, going to the game with them, and experiencing it with them. That's something I wouldn't have been able to do if I was still drinking. I mean, I probably wouldn't have wanted to.
"The FA Cup final, for example, is one of the best days I've had as a United fan last season. Beating Manchester City in that final was great, and it was great to be there and actually be able to experience it and know what was going on and fully appreciate it.
"I remember the FA Cup final against Newcastle in 99, I couldn't remember any of it. I missed the entire game, I think I was that drunk. I think you are able to enjoy a lot more when you you're there, you're present.
"Sometimes they're not even memories you can look back on because you don't remember it, so you know what happened but you don't remember it whereas now whenever I go to the game whether it's good or bad you're there for it."
For those who are going sober, be it because of Dry January or any other cause, Jay has some advice on navigating those most difficult early days.
First and foremost he encourages honesty, recounting that he 'went through a stage where I used to tell lies all the time' about why he wasn't drinking, an approach he says 'just gets you nowhere'.
Secondly, he suggests if you're 'in that early stage' then it might be an idea to 'avoid certain situations' which doesn't mean cutting off your social life completely, just spotting ahead of time which ones might not be great for an alcoholic in the early stages of recovery to be at.
When you do go into social situations it comes back to honesty, as Jay said you should just be upfront that you're not going to be drinking, and if you feel like a situation is getting difficult you can always say 'look, I'm going to get off early' or even just leave without any words, you don't need to 'white knuckle' it or stay out if you're not enjoying it.
“Most of my friends, and I speak to a lot of alcoholics who've been same thing, are relieved when you stop drinking because they don't have to look after you. They don't have to put up with you.
"A lot of them will have seen what you're going through, and they'll probably have thought to themselves ‘they've got an issue with alcohol’. When you tell them ‘I'm not having a drink’ they'll probably be happy for you.
"They'll probably be a little bit relieved."
Dry January is a campaign developed by Alcohol Change UK, you can find support and resources for taking part here.
Please drink responsibly. If you want to discuss any issues relating to alcohol in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends for advice and support.
Topics: Alcohol, Sport, Football, Dry January, Health
Joe Harker