Warning: This article contains discussion of cancer which some readers may find distressing.
A woman who made the decision to embark on a 'sexual journey of exploration' after her terminal cancer diagnosis left behind a heartbreaking final message.
New Yorker Molly Kochan was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 and received a terminal diagnosis four years later.
Aged 42 at the time, she spent her remaining years chasing pleasure in more ways than one.
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Molly left her husband to go and have as many sexual experiences with as many men as possible.
The cancer patient first started to detail her life in anonymous blog 'Everything Leads to This' which eventually transitioned into a more detailed six-part podcast called Dying For Sex with her longtime friend Nikki Boyer.
“I liked not identifying with the disease. Not having people look at me with pity or sorrow,” she wrote.
“I liked going through treatment and not having people ever ask me how I was feeling as though I were more fragile than they are.
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“Holding on to the secret of what I was going through became more difficult than having to field potentially awkward reactions.
“Because I have navigated this for some time, I know what is helpful to me and what isn’t.”
Before Molly passed away in 8 March 2019, she had slept with a total of 188 men and released memoir Screw Cancer: Becoming Whole which was published posthumously, followed by FX series Dying for Sex, an adaptation about her life
She also left behind a final blog message titled 'I have died'.
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"I don’t have those kinds of life lessons to share," she wrote.
"I know what I did at the end of my life. I know what brought me joy. But my list would surely not affect you."
Molly noticed that certain friends reached out after her diagnosis but didn't make the effort to meet her.
"Through the drop ins and outs, I realised that people are going to do whatever they’re going to do regardless of what they want to want. Even me," she continued.
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"Wasn’t that freeing? I didn’t have to buy tickets to Bora Bora, I could spend days in bed, even though I wanted to want to be productive."
She went on to apologise to the friends who she didn't get the chance to say goodbye to before her death.
She wrote: "As a side note, if you are angry at me for not reaching out, totally understandable. My death process had to be a small and contained one.
"I likened it to a death dinghy. As I floated farther from the shore, I knew one more body would throw off the beautiful balance and safety I worked hard to create.
"But if you need to get p**sed at me, go for it. I think I might if I read this note from a good friend who was suddenly not there."
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Read Molly's final post in full here.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, contact Macmillan’s Cancer Support Line on 0808 808 00 00, 8am–8pm seven days a week.
Anish Vij