We’ve all had a train journey that’s just been a total nightmare. I mean, we live in the UK, it’s practically a rite of passage at this point.
But this bloke’s viral trip from London to Edinburgh is the definition of taking the p**s.
Providing us with pure dark entertainment, James Nokise documented the whole thing in an X thread.
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A comedian from New Zealand, it’s fair to say he had perhaps one of the most dramatic trips you can imagine - and that is not an overstatment.
So, he started off by hopping on the 4:40pm Avanti West Coast train last night (25 September) from Euston and everything seemed fine, ‘quiet’ even.
But at about 7:26pm he received an email that his train was cancelled. This came as a surprise to James who pointed out: “a) I was still on a moving train. b) there had been no announcement on the moving train.”
Around 10 minutes later he says the train manager announced they ‘heard from passengers’ about the cancellation and was going to investigate ‘because everything looked fine to them’.
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The train was then informed the ‘rumours were true’ and they'd be terminating in Preston.
The comedian put: “Where is Preston? You may ask. Only god and Northerners know. Even the scot’s weren’t sure.”
After arriving at the station and finding out the train they were told to get was full, they were told at 8pm to wait for the next train at 9:42pm.
But, that was cancelled – and there were no more ‘north’ trains expected.
At 9:20 they were told there was alternative transport: “Taxis. For hundreds of people.”
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Calling it ‘slow and ridiculous’, James ended up in the ‘last cab with 3 other strangers, all guys travelling alone’ at 10:30pm – who mostly ended up asleep, when they could.
To put that into context, his train was due into Edinburgh at 10:15pm.
After figuring out where they were actually going, ‘the cabbie refused’ to drop them off at their individual locations and just headed for the station.
The journey went even further downhill as James put: “At 12:05 am our cabbie decided to change lanes without indicating and almost crashed into a mini-van overtaking him.
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“So now the two of us passengers that are oldest are awake, and we have checked that the cabbie is too. He has not responded, but he has used the indicator.”
After ‘a couple of incidents’ the cabbie got two red bulls ‘to be safe’, the Kiwi also pointed out ‘it’s a dark highway, and he’s driving a city black cab not meant for the road’.
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The cab made the odd wrong turn too, and drove down a ‘real motion-sickness nightmare of a road’.
As they got closer, James joked ‘shared mania’ took over with 'giggles', but then the GPS took them the wrong way, again.
They persuaded the cabbie to switch it off and trust the strangers on his ‘first time’ in the city.
Eventually making it there, James grabbed another cab, arriving five hours late, with a £70 refund from Avanti.
An Avanti West Coast spokesperson told LADbible: “We apologise to our customers who were caught up in last night’s disruption. The closure of the West Coast Main Line for over three hours due to a track defect had a significant impact on our services, with trains and traincrew unable to work our planned timetable resulting in cancellations of services north of Preston. Whilst alternative transport and overnight accommodation was sourced for most of those impacted we fully understand the frustrations of those customers whose journeys were affected, and we are extremely sorry for this."
James pointed out that possibly: “Throwing money at cab drivers and getting them to drive several hours in the middle of the night… Might not be the best contingency plan for Train companies to have."
I’ll be remembering this one next time I’m sulking about a 20 minute delay on my train.
Jess Battison