Doctor shares 10 signs to look out for that could mean your partner has a problem with alcohol

Warning: This article contains discussion of alcoholism which some readers may find distressing.

For a lot of us, booze is a fun thing – it’s at the centre of our social plans, a reward after dealing with that colleague all day at the office, a way to celebrate your team finally winning a match.

But it often also proves itself to be a not-so-great thing. Plenty of people choose to go sober for many reasons, including looking after both their physical and mental health.

For those with drinking problems, it can be pretty tough to get by. And it can also be difficult for those who have a partner struggling with alcohol. So, if you’ve ever been suspicious that your other half might have a problem, psychologist Dr Becky Spelman shared 10 signs to look out for.

Maybe they go too far when they've had a drink. (Getty stock)

Love Bombing

In a YouTube video pointing out the red flags you might be ‘dating an alcoholic’, the expert said alcoholics may ‘love bomb’ their partners.

She explained this is because they have ‘low self-esteemed’ due to not working through their difficulties properly. “So therefore they’re going to rely on the validation of other people and in the early stages of dating them, they’re going to put you on a pedestal,” Spelman said.

But she said this will be ‘short-lived’ while the person makes sure they feel secure before their problems begin to crop up.

Exaggerated behaviour

“Alcohol makes people more extroverted,” she points out. Spelman says this might make you enjoy yourself more as they’ll be the ‘life and soul of the party’ even though it’s just the alcohol bringing out the behaviour.

But this can also then lead to the next sign.

Public Embarrassment

“They will embarrass you in public,” the expert warns. With their extroverted behaviour, they may become ‘more impulsive and have poor judgement’.

“You will probably be embarrassed by their behaviour at one point or another because it’s just constant poor social judgements when they’re intoxicated,” she adds.

You might feel gaslighted by them when they've drank. (Getty Stock)

Gaslighting

Spelman says those with a drinking problem with ‘gaslight’ their partners, ‘particularly in relation to defending their alcohol-related behaviour’.

But she says this may also come while they’re drunk as they deny their behaviour which could make you ‘feel a bit crazy’.

“It’s a thing people commonly do when they’re insecure and they’re not able to own up to their own bad behaviour,” Spelman explains, “because it makes them feel bad, it causes a lot of shame.

“So their natural instinct is to be defensive and that’s where the gaslighting will come into dating.”

Avoiding Conversations

Similarly, she explains people won’t ‘participate in conversations about how their behaviour impacts you’.

“I’m not saying they completely won’t engage in the conversation,” she did add, but they will find it ‘very difficult emotionally’. Plus, it might ‘lead them to actually drinking quite heavily’ afterwards.

Or, they may ‘passively participate’ in the conversation because they don’t know how to ‘navigate’ it or again, be very defensive.

They're more likely to have affairs. (Getty Stock)

Inappropriateness

This includes being sexually and socially inappropriate – maybe you’re waiting to leave a bar but they keep running over to hug other people.

“It might not be the worst behaviour in the world, but it’s just not very well thought-out,” Spelman explains.

“It can be very upsetting for you if you’re dating them because it causes embarrassment.”

Increased Likelihood of Affairs

Spelman says affairs are more common with people who have alcohol problems as they don’t use ‘emotions to help guide their behaviour’.

“They can bury feelings of guilt and anxiety,” she adds.

The expert explains that alcoholics don’t ‘feel a lot’ which terrifies them but allows them to ignore the negatives and more easily have affairs and keep them secret.

Co-occurring Mental Health Issues

Spelman says people struggling with alcohol will have signs of mental health difficulties which may be subtle or might be ‘quite big’.

“You’ll also see signs they don’t really want to address their emotions fully,” she adds, even if they have disclosed things to you.

It can make relationships difficult (Getty stock)

Selective Charm

Those with alcohol problems may be ‘overly charming to people where it will benefit them’.

“They’re going to very calculated in relation to who they’re friendly and charming to,” Spelman says, “but it’s not going to be consistent.”

Possessiveness and Jealousy

Spelman highlights that partners with alcohol problems will have ‘all sorts of problematic behaviours’.

And when they see themselves as very low, they’ll ‘see you as being out of their league’ with a high fear of losing you.

“They’re going to act jealous for the very same reasons,” she adds. “They’re going make up stories in their mind.”

Please drink responsibly. If you want to discuss any issues relating to alcohol in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends for advice and support.