A dating expert has warned that trying the dating trend 'monkey-barring' could be ruining your relationships.
I know exactly what you're thinking: what on earth is 'monkey-barring' supposed to be and what does it mean for a relationship?
Time to add a new entry into the dictionary of dating trends, because 'monkey-barring' refers to someone who is basically always in a relationship to the point that past and present ones overlap for a short while.
Ever swung on a set of monkey bars? You can't let go of the current one until you've got the next bar in your grip, and that's basically what happens for relationships.
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You're heading for the next partner and laying the groundwork for that relationship, even though you're not quite done with the last one yet.
Relationship coach Amie Leadingham told Cosmopolitan that 'monkey-barring' is a 'toxic dating behaviour' as the person doing it would be actively looking for a new partner while still in a relationship, which is basically already over for them.
Instead of breaking up at that point, the person 'monkey-barring' keeps the old partner around despite wanting the shiny new thing more, and the expert warned it was pretty deceitful.
Even if you don't consider shopping around for a new partner while still in a relationship as cheating, it's not great behaviour to be engaging in.
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The expert also warned that people can get 'addicted' to relationships and rely on them to meet emotional needs, when they should be able to work on themselves.
She said: "Some people monkey-bar because they struggle with co-dependency and use new relationships as emotional safety nets rather than dealing with the discomfort of being alone.
"They become addicted to the external validation and distraction that relationships provide, relying on someone else’s attention and affection to feel stable and worthy instead of developing their own emotional regulation skills."
She said that people who did it often saw it as 'an easier escape route than having an honest breakup conversation', and it hurts everyone in the mix.
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It's dishonest to your current partner and your next one, assuming they don't know they're being lined up for a position which is not yet vacant.
Leadingham said the person doing it was also 'robbing themselves of the opportunity to end things with integrity' and needed to be honest with themselves about why they did this to people.
She suggested that if you catch yourself doing this, you should work on yourself and build up some 'genuine self-worth that doesn’t depend on romantic validation'.
Topics: Dating trends, Sex and Relationships
Joe Harker