Featured Image Credit: Netflix
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Anish Vij
So many dating terms to be across, so little time.
Fortunately this one has a name bolted onto it and it's called 'Rebecca Syndrome' in full.
Thanks to access to the internet, people can learn so much about you in such a short space of time - and many of the people who've known you throughout your life.
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Lots of us check up on friends and family through social media, but when Rebecca Syndrome enters the mix that stretches back to previous relationships.
Comparison is the thief of joy, or so they say, and if you keep trying to measure up to an imagined version of your partner's exes then you'll drive yourself doolally.
Checking in to see how your mate is doing is completely different to seeing if your ex is happier without you.
Rebecca Syndrome, otherwise referred to as retroactive jealousy (RJ), is being overly interested (and maybe even obsessed) and envious of a partner’s past relationships.
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Tanith Carey of The Sun said she had 'a full-on interrogation' of her husband after finding a 25-year-old photo of a woman gazing into the lens of a camera.
"'Where was the picture taken?' I demanded. Why was she looking at him in such a sappy way? Had they already had sex?" she recalled.
"Once the green-eyed monster had got its teeth into me, I couldn’t stop.
"The picture, in an envelope of old family photos, had been taken 25 years ago at a family christening.
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"He’d gone out with this woman before we’d started dating and hadn’t seen her since they broke up.
"But over the next few days, visions of them kissing, holding hands — and worse — kept popping into my head."
In 2017, 1,000 people from Europe and America participated in a study by Superdrug showing just how often people stalk either their exes or crushes on social media.
The survey revealed that 56.5 percent of single Americans admitted to glancing over their ex’s profile, with most saying they did it once a month or less.
Married people came in at 65.8 percent and 66.7 of those in relationships looked up their ex online from time to time.
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This is maybe not a great thing to be doing.
Kate Balestrieri, PhD, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, has opened up on retroactive jealousy and just how dangerous it can be.
"It can really bring up a lot of pain for couples because for the partner with RJ, they are often fixated on understanding the details of their partner’s past relationships, wondering if their partner is thinking or fantasising about their ex, or even comparing their current relationship with their past experiences," she told Women's Health.
"It may be how somebody compensates for abandonment fears and ideas that they’ll never be good enough for a relationship because of past relational trauma."
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Jacqui Gabb, PhD, a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University, added: “There’s almost an intensification of retroactive jealousy because there’s a greater capacity for exes to be present in your life through social media, even if you’re not close friends with them anymore."
Emily Simonian, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C., says that it's important to speak to your partner about it and not to lead things up to your imagination.
"We tend to get in trouble when we try to fill in the blanks, which leads us to creating our own narrative," she said.
In short, maybe it's time to ease off the social media stalking - though that's easier said than done.
Additional words by Joe Harker