Intimacy coach explains why 'hotwifing' is about more than just sex

An intimacy coach has opened up about the true dynamics of hotwifing, and how the lifestyle goes beyond the bedroom.

Polyamorous relationships are far less controversial and frowned upon in this day and age, with many couples even posting content about their ventures into the lifestyle, which can include experiences on spicy cruises.

Social media is partly responsible for the popularisation of these unique relationship dynamics, and 'hotwifing' is one that has become one of the most talked-about.

While experts have weighed in on what a 'hotwifing' relationship actually entails, as husbands who are part of these relationships have also opened up about why they enjoy their significant other having multiple partners.

If it wasn't clear, 'hotwifing' is when couples have a dynamic where the husband/boyfriend enjoys his significant others having sexual relations with people who aren't him.

Now, an intimacy coach has opened up on the intricacies of a 'hotwifing' relationship, explaining how it can work psychologically.

Kate Shelor has over 215,000 followers on Instagram, and is known for her content on sex and relationships, leaving no stone unturned.

In a February post, she opened up on 'hotwifing', explaining that it goes far beyond sex and that couples are drawn to the dynamic for a reason.

Explaining that the psychology behind it is 'much deeper' than many think, she went on: "A lot of people hear the word hot wifing and immediately think it's only about sex.

"But psychologically, that's not the only driver for the couples who are interested in it."

She highlighted that it 'isn't about replacement or dissatisfaction', saying: "It really is a secure dynamic where you can explore.

"For many people, this only works when there's already a strong foundation of trust and communication, emotional safety."

Kate said that the excitement doesn't come from jealousy, it comes from knowing that the other person loves you and that you 'love watching them enjoy themselves'.

"One driver is compassion, which is the ability to feel pleasure from your partner's pleasure. So instead of jealousy, the emotional response is like pride or excitement," the intimacy coach said.

She acknowledged that while some may feel jealous, she believes that many embrace the feeling of 'eroticised confidence'.

"Watching or imagining your partner being desired by others can reinforce their value subconsciously, their attractiveness, which paradoxically can make the primary bond actually feel stronger, not weaker," she claimed.

Kate did highlight the importance of boundaries too, listing that 'rules, communication, aftercare' are the boundaries to set as without them, it stops being hotwifing.

The intimacy coach highlighted: "Hotwifing is not a fix for any kind of broken relationship.

"If trust is shaky, if communication is poor, if you don't talk about sex easily, if resentment exists, introducing this dynamic typically is going to make those issues worse instead of better," echoing the thoughts of experts before her.

Kate did make sure to explain that many feel 'activated by exclusivity'.

She concluded that understanding both yourself and your partner is the most important thing, saying: "Others feel very activated by openness, and neither is more evolved or healthier. They're just very different preferences, different kinds of nervous systems."