Busted’s Matt Willis has revealed he was once taking six grams of cocaine every day while touring, having lied to his family about being busy in the studio working on music.
Willis, 40, has shared his story in new documentary Matt Willis: Fighting Addiction, which explores his relationship with alcohol and drug addiction – as well as new advances being made in treatment.
The musician, who is married to presenter Emma Willis, 47, first went sober in 2008, but relapsed several times over the years.
In the hour-long documentary, Willis speaks about his most recent relapse, which came five years ago while on a reunion tour with Busted.
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He had been at an after-party following a sold-out concert when he was offered a line of cocaine.
“I was like, ‘Cocaine wasn’t a problem for me, alcohol was my downfall,’” he said.
“Within a month I was doing six grams, bang, bang, bang, bang, on my own every f**cking day and not coming home until 3am in the morning, pretending I was working on my album.
“I wasn’t really writing I was making s**t music in the studio doing coke.
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“It was straight back to that shame cycle, the shame of relapse, the same of letting everyone down, the shame of using uncontrollably trying to stop and not being able to.”
In the documentary, wife Emma said she felt ‘flabbergasted’ to learn her husband had relapsed.
"I didn’t expect it,” she said.
“I think because he had been doing so well for such a long time.
“It was the last thing I thought.”
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In recent years, Willis has felt able to be more open about his addictions, especially in terms of how those where it affects family members can seek help.
Speaking to the Guardian ahead of the documentary, he said: “We have so much stigma around addiction that we forget that it’s a person and that this person is loved by people. The ripple effect is huge.
“It’s really easy to go: ‘F**k that guy, get him out of your life.’ But it’s hard when you care.”
He explained how he was drinking quite a lot and taking drugs by the time he formed Busted in 2000, having previously never been able to afford cocaine.
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“I used cocaine as a way to keep sober,” he continued.
“About 11pm, I’d get some and stay up till five – it allowed me to keep in the game, because I was always p***ed.”
Willis added: “I loved it, that’s the thing – it wasn’t always dark and f**ked up. It was exciting, and people wanted me to come places and go to parties. I’m in this cool media world – and I was some kid from nowhere.
“I was always amazed that I was at these things, and drugs and drinking was a part of that.”
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But he said the faux confidence drugs and alcohol gave him were not really who he was.
"Really, that’s not me,” he said.
“It’s this bravado, this Matt-from-Busted guy that I turned into.”
Watch Matt Willis: Fighting Addiction on BBC One at 9pm on Wednesday 17 May at 9pm. It will also be available on BBC iPlayer.
If you want friendly, confidential advice about drugs, you can talk to FRANK. You can call 0300 123 6600, text 82111 or contact through their website 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, or livechat from 2pm-6pm any day of the week
Topics: TV and Film, Documentaries, Celebrity, Music
Jess Hardiman