Doug Stanhope has shared his savage response to the BBC after staff asked for free tickets to his gig.
The American stand-up comedian took to Facebook to show fans a glimpse of his hilarious reply.
"Dear Sir/Madam," he said, as he began to read out the email, "I didn't even see that until now."
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He continued: "I'm emailing from the BBC One Show Have I Got News For You. We wondered whether it was possible to get some complimentary tickets to see Doug Stanhope next week in Leicester Square with a view on getting his availability for the upcoming series.
"Is it possible to ask for six tickets," the 55-year-old read, "Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday."
As the audience broke out into laughter, Stanhope continued to finish reading the email, "Kind regards, Associate Producer – which means he gets you c*ke."
After completing the email, Stanhope took it upon himself to give the sender a piece of his mind.
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"No. You get s***. You have a f***ing TV show," he started.
"It makes me sick when f***ing media has to panhandle for tickets.
"My fanbase, I know you're f***ing small and you're ugly, you're obscene and you scare me but you're broke as f***.
He reiterated: "If there's one thing I understand about my audience: you're broke as f*** in general."
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Picking apart the BBC staff member's request some more, the comedian added: "This is evidently a really big, popular TV show and you have to go begging for tickets?"
The sitcom quiz show in question, Have I Got News For You, first hit the screens in 1990 and is currently the 14th most popular contemporary TV programme, according to a YouGov poll.
"No, you f***ing pay! You pay!" Stanhope replied.
Audience members can be heard cheering and clapping the response in the background as the stand-up comedian continued: "I'll give you my availability, save you the trip – I'm not available."
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"I don't want to do this show," he sighed, "These f***ing people..." before asking audience members what they did to 'get in here tonight'.
"You didn't just zip off a f***ing email," he said while mimicking the sender.
Stanhope later began recounting an anecdote from when he was in a bar in New Jersey.
"They put me up in a new place which always sucks because when you drink at the hotel bar, you have to drink with a**holes."
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One of which, Stanhope relayed, was a 'usual suit guy' who was 'bragging to his friend' about taking someone on a night out whose brother 'died in Afghanistan'.
The story followed the man at the bar boasting about getting 'box seats' to see the New York Mets and being 'treated like kings'.
"And that's the f***ing horror of war," Stanhope added, "When you die in a war, someone's going to parlay your death [...] into box seats at the big game."
Finally coming full circle, the comedian concluded his set.
"And that's what guys like this do," referencing the BBC staff member, "Oh Stanhope! We don't have to pay! I'm an Associate Producer for Have I Got News For You..."
"Have I got news for you," the comedian replied, "Suck my d***."
Topics: Celebrity
Rhiannon Ingle