Surprise surprise, Piers Morgan has spoken out against Greta Gerwig's Barbie.

A man who persistently slams Sam Smith for what they wear and who wrote a whole column about how much he hated a woman on a 'cellular level' not liking Barbie? *Feigns shock*

Barbie - which since coming out in cinemas on 21 July has smashed multiple box office records - summed itself up before it even began: "She's Barbie. He's just Ken."

Morgan has certainly wasted no time in taking to The Sun alongside Talk TV to hit out at the recent release and its feminist commentary.

TalkTV

To give Morgan his dues, in his op-ed for The Sun, he admits even he doesn't 'really understand' what the patriarchy is - which pretty much says it all.

Morgan's interpretation of the phrase? "In short: men are evil oppressors, women are unimpeachably perfect victims, and anyone who dares challenge this notion is a disgusting misogynist."

The journalist adds: "Barbie does nothing to dissuade anyone from this view."

The main message Morgan took from Barbie? "The only solution to this dreadful patriarchal state of affairs is for women to rule the world, and preferably do so on their own without horrible men to ruin both the planet and them."

Morgan accuses Gerwig's box office hit of 'ramming' this message down 'the throats' of viewers and he slams all the Barbies as ticking 'every possible woke virtue-signalling box'.

Although, granted, there's no love lost on Ken either, who Morgan says embraces the patriarchy 'with breathless bro enthusiasm and becomes an entitled, arrogant, macho doofus'.

However, Morgan argues the 'real world' is 'chock full of confident, high-achieving women who would laugh at such a derisory mischaracterisation of their status in life' and so the movie doesn't accurately portray the 'real world'.

Warner Bros

Morgan goes on to accuse the movie of being 'based on a demonstrable lie' because of its representation of 'Alpha male Will Ferrell' as running Mattel opposed to the true leader of the toy company Ruth Handler - the 'woke world rarely lets facts get in the way of a good whine,' he adds.

If anyone loves a back-handed compliment then it's definitely Morgan, the 58-year-old expressing his support of Margot Robbie as his 'favourite female movie star' and 'a very talented actress' before reducing her to her looks, stating: "As delightfully warm and funny as she is in the movie, [she] only landed this role because she's exceptionally beautiful."

Morgan's op-ed simply proves why films such as Barbie need to exist - they should really quote him on their posters.

ITV

Morgan maturely resolves Barbie's 'core message stinks'.

He stated: "The bottom line is this: if I made a movie mocking women as useless dunderheads, constantly attacking ‘the matriarchy,’ and depicting all things feminist as toxic bulls**t, I wouldn’t just be cancelled, I’d be executed."

Although, it seems like he’s doing a pretty good job of doing that all on his own already.

On Talk TV, Morgan resolves the movie is an 'assault not just on Ken, but on all men' - 'not all men,' now where have I heard that one before?