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Jake Massey
Did you know that Rod Stewart used to take cocaine anally to protect his singing voice? Well, you do now.
The singer-songwriter shared a lifetime of wild anecdotes in his memoir Rod: The Autobiography, which was published back in 2012.
As you could probably guess, it's a book packed with half a century's worth of sex, drugs and rock and roll. And being a top professional, Stewart took unorthodox steps in a bid to ensure that the drugs part didn't negatively impact the rock and roll part.
Concerned about the impact that cocaine might have on his nasal passages and his voice (though not concerned enough to stop taking cocaine altogether), the 'Sailing' singer started devouring the drugs via his back passage.
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According to Spin, he wrote: "So we started buying anticold capsules from the chemist's, separating the two halves of the capsules, replacing their contents with a pinch of cocaine, and then taking the capsules anally, where, of course, the human body being a wonderful thing, they would dissolve effortlessly into the system."
A wonderful thing indeed.
A less conscientious rock star would just bash the stuff up their face without a care for their voice, but not Stewart. It's exemplary professionalism, really.
However, while he was happy to shove coke up his bum'ole, Stewart was keen to clarify that he'd never had a stomach full of sailor spaff.
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Ordinarily, such clarifications aren't needed in a memoir, but an urban legend had swirled about that the singer - now aged 78 - once had to have his stomach pumped after ingesting too much semen.
This rumour raised a lot of questions, such as: when, why, and how much semen is 'too much' semen?
Stewart didn't answer any of these questions, as he confirmed, unsurprisingly, that there was no truth to the story.
He said it was circulated by his bitter former publicist Tony Toon, who spun the elaborate yarn as an act of revenge following his sacking.
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Stewart wrote: "[Toon] fed the press a story in which, as a consequence of an evening spent orally servicing a gang of sailors in a gay bar in San Diego, I had been required to check into a hospital emergency room to have my stomach pumped.
"I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor... And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen nor of any other kind of semen."
So, bottom full of cocaine - yes; belly full of naval willy gunk - no. Got that?