Keryn Donnelly
A British lad who has lived in Melbourne for three months has listed all the things he hates about the city.
Ralph Smith started his TikTok video, which has since been viewed more than one million times, by saying that he does love the city but he has a few bones to pick with it.
First off, Ralph took aim at the city's public transportation system.
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"I have never witnessed such a badly put together system," he said with all the confidence of someone who has never had to live in Sydney.
"The only way to get around the city is with Myki cards. That is if you are on a train, tram or bus. But if you forget this card you are literally f***ed."
He described the cards as 'useless' and wondered why he couldn't tap on with a phone or debit card like you can in other cities like London and Sydney.
"You can't add it to your phone, so if you are on an iPhone you can't add this card to your wallet to tap on and off," he complained.
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"As someone who doesn't carry a wallet, having to carry this everywhere and the second you forget it you can't get on a tram or train. It is very frustrating."
Next he took on Melbourne's peak hour traffic.
"I feel like you are just always sitting in traffic, like no matter where you are the lights take ages to change and it is so frustrating," he said.
He even said it takes ages to cross the road because the lights take so long to change.
Ralph also mentioned how hard it is to find a rental in the city. We'll give him that one as Australia is currently in the middle of a rental crisis.
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"If you are currently looking for a place to rent in Melbourne, or to buy, it seems to be impossible. As soon as the place gets listed, within a day it seems to be taken and already sold," he said.
Unsurprisingly, the bloke also hates Melbourne's weather, which has been known to be a fickle b*tch.
"You can be out in the sun with a t-shirt on and the next second it is thunder storming and it switches like that all day long. You never know what to wear really or what to pack and it is really frustrating," he said.
And finally, Ralph has a problem with the city's 'crackheads'.
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"I have never seen so many homeless people slash crackheads in such a small area," he says in the video.
"The road between Flinders Street Station and I think Collins Street is filled with homeless and crackheads. People punching walls and screaming out loud."
Ralph has since returned to London, leaving behind Melbourne's weather and useless Myki cards forever.