Another day another funny bastard giving it to a supermarket on Facebook.
This time it is the turn of Dav Nash, a 25-year-old from Swansea who was shocked to find a Cornetto-style ice cream he bought from Tesco didn't have any damn chocolate in it.
Naturally, he did what any customer disappointed with what he'd bought would do and took to Facebook to have a little moan.
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Only, he wasn't actually all that angry and had a little fun with it...
Once upon a time, a small independent store called Tesco crafted a very special Cornetto (of course, it was not a Cornetto for legal reasons). This very special Cornetto didn't have any milk in it and consisted of delicious vanilla and strawberry ice cream, wrapped in a crunchy, chocolate lined cone with a strawberry sauce through the middle.
Everybody rejoiced at this wondrous creation.
Until one fateful day.
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Imagine the horror of the unsuspecting customer, after carefully unwrapping the delicious treat to find that the previously crunchy cone was soft, lifeless...flaccid. The chocolate was gone! No more was the cone a testament to confectionery engineering. No more was there a solid, tantalising chocolate end to the cone!
The customer fell to his knees and cried sugarless tears of bottomless grief. The glory days were over and the prospect of a world without a chocolate coating brought an incurable ache to his heart.
To be continued...
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Will there be a happy ending to this story, Tesco?
For all those concerned that Dav was never replied to about his £2 gluten-free ice cream, stop worrying right this second.
Tesco got back to him and had a little creative fun of their own...
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Once upon a time a customer of the magical kingdom of Tescodonia bought some delicious strawberry & vanilla cones, but alas the gnomes from choccy village who make our chocolate based products was attacked by a vicious dragon and the chocolate was burned to a cinder. The customer was without one of the most vital ingredient in their cone, this was a tragic day in Tescodonia.
From the sherbet mountain a glimmering warrior appeared, a warrior that defends Tescodonia and all of its customers, this warrior was also on a massive sugar buzz. He rode down on his unicorn which kept on changing colour, a friend of the warrior, Sharbra, the fierce tiger, came to tell the warrior of the disaster which has struck. The warrior got rid of the unicorn as the changing colours gave him a headache. The warrior and Sharbra vowed to restore peace to Tescodonia and bring retribution to Dav, the mighty customer.
The warrior is me...
Sharbra and I, would like to inform the wizards who are the suppliers of the Free From products of Tescodonia and refund you. But first we need some information for this quest, can you supply me with the following:
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*Name (if different to Facebook)*Address*Email*Price paid*Which store this was from*Picture of date code*Barcode*Supplier code (starts with SC)*Is it okay to pass these details to the supplier?
With your help Sharbra and I can restore peace to Tescodonia, will you accept the quest Dav, the Cone King?
Till we meet again Dav, the Cone King
Stephen - Warrior of Tescodonia
In all seriousness, that was their reply, I haven't taken anything.
Dav was given a £4 Tesco Moneycard for the trouble. Oh, thank the lord.
Words by George Pavlou
Featured image credit: Facebook
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