Eminem Lists All The Rhymes That Should Be Outlawed From Use

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Have you ever watched a video of a freestyle rap battle and been blown away by the ease with which the rhymes just seem to flow? Yeah, we already know - that's why we told you so. And now you're reading this aloud and we're quite proud that... nope, we give up. It's a lot harder than it seems. But there are a number of standard rhymes that rappers use to make life a little easier and Eminem is having none of it. Take a look:

Livestreaming what he called the 'hip-hop don'ts' on his Instagram account, the 45-year-old rapper - along with fellow stars of the hip-hop world Mr Porter, Royce Da 5'9" and The Alchemist - battled against lazy rappers who use a stockpile of easy rhymes to get through their day job.

Lasting just over nine minutes, the video is a pretty funny look at the stockpile of clichéd lines that rappers often use as crutches when they're thinking on the spot.

You cannot, for example, be 'a pimp walking with a limp', he explains before launching into a series of instructions against similarly easy, overused rhymes. The four of them then rattle off a list of easy, overused rhymes to show exactly what not to do by doing those very things.

Credit: PA

For example, Eminem declared that: "If you have an emergency, it cannot be with an urgency. And if it is with an urgency and you are rushed to emergency surgery, you cannot be burned in third degree."

He continued: "And if you're gonna murder me, it cannot be like you never heard of me. You have to know me."

Tongues get wedged even firmly in cheeks as the video progresses, with the group of rappers dissing mobsters that eat lobster, dropping bombs on Vietnam (which sounds a lot better in an American accent, to be honest) and how you're no longer allowed to die hard like Bruce Willis.

Credit: PA

There's a whole slew of advice of what not to do - other banned rhyming couplets include using skills to pay bills, getting knowledge from college and telling truth in the booth - especially if you're addressing the youth. And don't you dare swagger like Mick Jagger.

They didn't mention anything about rhyming masturbation and PlayStation, though, so you better believe we're going to keep that one up our sleeve. Ahem.

Mischa Pearlmen

Mischa is a freelance journalist usually based in either New York or London. He has written for Kerrang!, Record Collector, NME, the New York Observer and FLOOD magazine, among others. Contact him at editorial@ladbiblegroup.com
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