The 'Jerk Shirt' Lets You Masturbate Without Getting Caught

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The 'Jerk Shirt' Lets You Masturbate Without Getting Caught

Have you ever been sat round the dinner table with your family and thought: 'you know what, I could do with cracking out a sly one here'?

Nope, me neither, but if I ever did, performing what would be considered the highest level of a 'danger wank' would be outrageously hard.

But that's simply because I don't have a 'Jerk Shirt'.

"What's a Jerk Shirt?", I hear you ask. Well, it's only the finest invention since Alexander Bell patented the telephone.


With a Jerk Shirt you'll never be caught masturbating again, even if you're mid flow with your headphones on full blast, the Jerk Shirt covers your tracks.

Credit: CamSoda via YouTube

It has a prosthetic arm in place of your real arm, which is secretly hidden underneath the shirt, working away.


It also boasts a 'splash guard' so that you're not just depositing semen on your nan's sofa whilst you're having a cup of tea and a catch up.

Credit: TheJerkShirt

The advert for the innovative shirt tells you all you need to know, in brilliant fashion.


The description of the product reads: "The JerkShirt magically covers the most important part of your body while enjoying what you do without having to hide in shame.

"Just put it on and get to work! With our splash guard there is no mess or worry to clean up. Works like any other shirt, when you are done, simply put it in the washer and continue to use it again and again!"

If you fancy being on the waiting list for a shirt, you can, by sending your details to JerkShirt.


At the price of £35 ($49.99), who wouldn't want to buy one?

*Please remember that public masturbation is illegal and you should in no way be encouraged to wank on trains, buses, in post offices, shops or city centres*

*I have never attempted to masturbate at family dinners, or in front of my grandmother*

Words by Mark McGowan

Topics: masturbation

Mark McGowan
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