I tried completely legal protein bar that can cause 'stroke, cancer, diarrhoea and death'

Essentially pushing the ‘don’t push’ button, I caved and tried Joe Wick’s new, completely legal ‘Killer’ protein bar that can apparently increase the risk of cancer. I know, I know, none of that sounds particularly tempting.

But Wicks’ new project is a rather odd one, creating a snack that’s as harmful as possible.

To be honest, when I think of the ‘lockdown star’, my mind doesn’t go to his Covid PE classes or his work against ultra-processed food, it’s his distinct Essex tones telling me to whack some stuff in a pan ‘that’s lean in 15’.

However, the once ‘Body Coach’ is delving more into the science now (with a bit of politics) with his recent Channel 4 documentary attempting to convince the government to change our food laws.

And to do that, he decided to create the worst thing he could.

What is Joe Wicks' 'Killer' protein bar?

Linking 14 percent of UK deaths to ultra-processed food, Wicks got doctor and scientist Professor Chris van Tulleken on board to help him create the 'deathly' snack.

Featured in Joe Wicks: Licensed to Kill, the pair go about making the worst thing they can that can still legally be described as offering ‘health benefits’.

But the bar is basically absolutely loaded with artificial additives that have been linked to various health problems.

One side of the packet advertises it as having ‘200+ health and nutritional benefits’ as well as being high in fibre and containing 19g of protein, while the other says it’s deathly, warning that 'excessive consumption may increase risk of: diarrhoea, cancer, stroke, early death'.

Arguably, it could be said that the doc does more scaremongering than helping people better understand nutrition, as experts say that turning it ‘into a horror story isn’t the answer’.

But there’s still a valuable lesson at the core of the Killer bar; we just don’t always know quite what we’re eating.

He wants to convince the government to change our food laws for good by highlighting the current regulations.

First impressions

I mean, the packaging of it is literally covered with one of the longest lists of ingredients I’ve ever seen, and I couldn’t tell you what half of it actually is.

So, reading all of that, I wasn’t exactly salivating when it showed up in real life on my desk at 8.00am.

But, I’ll admit, I was pretty curious. There’s one label on the ‘deathly’ side literally telling me ‘do not eat’, but then you also seem to want me to give it a go?

Ok, Wicks, I can’t help but be tempted to give it a try.

And honestly, once I’d managed to crack into it, I was surprised by the taste of it - only freaking me out more.

The bar itself looks pretty unassuming; a thick, chocolate-coated solid rectangle with some sparingly sprinkled neon orange things that resemble Wotsits dust.

I can't say I'll be eating this again, but more out of fear than the taste.

Verdict

Not wanting to break a tooth, I hacked a knife into it to find a filling of chalky-looking dust bonded together, topped with a wad of orange paste.

Biting into it just launched what seemed to essentially be dry protein powder all over my mouth. Not exactly chewy, not crunchy, but not totally dry either.

It kind of amalgamates in your mouth, gets stuck in your teeth and then leaves your throat feeling dusty. Pleasant.

Yet when it comes to taste, I can’t lie, it was, well, fine. I wasn’t instantly feeling sick or wanting to spit it straight out; it was pretty much as described: a bland chocolate orange protein bar.

That’s probably the most worrying part – the 'Killer' didn’t really taste any different to some of the protein bars I’ve grabbed after a gym session in the past.

But given the endless list of warnings and fear from the ingredients, I wasn’t exactly scoffing the thing up, just having a quick taste.

And while I didn’t hate the taste, I was having to liberate bits out of my teeth for a little while after. As for the side effects, I think I've escaped this one without a scratch, but let's be real, I did only have a little bite - you're not catching me eating anymore of that crap.

It really is the fact that Wicks’ ‘deathly’ creation tastes so normal compared to so many other bars that concerned me. I guess that shows his whole point that we’re potentially consuming some absolute sh*te that could be doing all sorts to our bodies without even realising when we think we’re eating something ‘good’.