Sex therapists say there are seven things you should never do in bedroom

Sex is constantly evolving and while it might feel difficult to keep up, it's vital that we do.

Other than the obvious, there aren't many set rules in the bedroom and everyone you meet is going to have different things that they enjoy. Just ask the growing number of people who have foot fetishes.

Some folks might like things vanilla, while others want to constantly try out new positions or even partners, and it's important that everyone is entitled to their own preferences.

However, while one man's treasure is another man's taboo, a group of sex experts have now identified seven things that they reckon are a no-go when it comes to getting busy in between the sheets.

Trying something new without your partner's consent

Being in the bedroom with your other half is often about building boundaries, so it's important not to cross those and potentially betray their trust, even if it's in the heat of the moment.

Sex therapist Tom Murray, author of 'Making Nice with Naughty', said: “The realm of intimate relationships is wide and diverse, providing endless opportunities to discover joy, pleasure and connection. But exploring new ground without consent from both parties may cause unease, betrayals of confidence and even injury."

Faking an orgasm

I'm sure some of our female readers might well have been tempted by this one, but really it benefits nobody.

Faking this is never going to help things (Getty Stock)

As the priest from Nativity says, if you pick someone up on their bad cooking, the next time you might get a decent meal, and lying is never the way to build that emotional trust and bond between two people.

Sex therapist Mary Hellstrom added: “Our culture is very ‘results’ focused, even and especially when it comes to sex. Some of the best sex I’ve had hasn’t included a point of climax for me or my partner."

Police sexual fantasies

There's a generation of young Star Wars fans probably breathing a sigh of relief that their Princess Leia fantasy isn't about to be destroyed, and thankfully sex therapists agree that we shouldn't police what arouses our partners.

Nazanin Moali said: “Various factors, such as our environment, stress levels, life stage and childhood experiences, contribute to what arouses us.

“It’s common for our partners to have fantasies that may not involve us, and for most individuals, having a fantasy doesn’t imply a breach of the relationship agreement. Embracing our unique desires and understanding the complexity of our sexual selves can enhance the intimacy and connection we share.”

Kink shaming

This one is very similar to the fantasy aspect, as being dismissive about a partner's interests and intrigues is a sure fire way to annoy them and make them feel embarrassed about opening up, when the bedroom is supposed to be a safe place to express desires.

Incia A. Rashid explains: "Causing someone to experience shame will undo their sense of safety. This applies to all aspects of intimacy, such as how a person presents themselves to their partners or suggestions for exploration from their partners.”

Shame yourself

While we may well focus on making sure that our partner is feeling safe and positive, sex therapists also urge us to take time for ourselves and also think about what we might want to do.

Hellstrom adds: "If my mind starts down a path of remembering past moments or fantasising about new scenarios during sex, I allow my mind to journey down those paths without judgment. “This also allows me to gently return my attention to the present moment when I’m ready to do so. Less shame equals more fun!”

Blame yourself

It's also important not to blame yourself if things don't go entirely as planned, especially if your partner is struggling to get to the necessary level of arousal.

Communication is key (Getty Stock)

“It doesn’t reflect on someone’s attractiveness or chemistry if your partner is facing challenges; it could simply be a result of a bad night’s sleep,” Moali explained.

“Instead of pulling away or ignoring the issue, a better approach is to ask them, ‘How can I support you right now?’ Let’s foster a supportive environment!”

Avoid uncomfortable conversations

The whole act of sex is quite uncomfortable when we get down to the science of it, just ask the couple who did it in an MRI machine in the name of science.

Our bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about and the best way to enjoy yourself is to be completely open with your partner, and talk through things when it might not be going as planned.

Sex therapist Janet Brito said: “It’s essential to discuss what brings pleasure and address any obstacles openly and compassionately.

"My aim is to avoid criticism and instead focus on expressing needs and desires while enhancing arousal through intimate, kind and affirming acts. This fosters a positive cycle of connection, thereby enhancing sexual intimacy.”